Coolest Looking Weapons That Make No Sense

Key Takeaways

Final Fantasy 8’s gunblade is visually stunning but impractical as a real weapon due to being unwieldy.
Weapons like Dante’s Inferno’s death scythe are cool in theory but ineffective for actual combat due to impractical design.
Monster Hunter World’s gunlance is large and visually impressive but would be impossible for a regular person to wield effectively.

As a seasoned gamer with over three decades of gaming under my belt, I must say that these weapons are nothing short of extraordinary, if not a tad unrealistic.

Video games offer a unique blend of realism and creativity when it comes to war themes, as they don’t involve actual people performing extreme stunts or impossible actions. This allows game developers to explore various levels of authenticity and absurdity in their weaponry and portrayals of conflict. From meticulously accurate representations in military or historical scenarios to the wildly exaggerated, there’s a range that caters to every gamer’s preference, spanning from realistic to outrageously fantastical.

In a different context, certain games feature weapons that are more impressive than a freeze gun but wouldn’t be practical for an average person in a real fight. These spectacular weapons might fail under the pressure of realistic conditions or even pose a risk to the user, so it would be prudent to keep them unused if a confrontation occurs.

Squall’s Gunblade – Final Fantasy 8

Stylish, Iconic, But The Worst Of Both Worlds

The idea of a gunblade, as depicted in Final Fantasy 8, is breathtaking and undeniably one of the franchise’s most recognized weapons. On paper, such a combination might seem impressive, but in practice, it has its drawbacks. For instance, while a pistol whip could be effective in close combat, removing the ranged capability from a full-sized longsword and attaching it to a gun barrel seems counterproductive. Consequently, these weapons are less than optimal due to their cumbersome nature, an explanation provided within the game as to why only Squall and Seifer are shown using them.

The mechanism is designed to activate when the user swings, releasing a forceful shockwave through the metal blade and causing additional harm to the target. However, this weapon poses a risk to the user’s wrists due to its awkwardly bent stock grip, which requires an uncomfortable hold during swipes. Furthermore, there’s a high chance of accidentally triggering it while maneuvering around the heavy steel slab.

Death’s Scythe – Dante’s Inferno, Various

Great As A Metaphor, Not Ideal For Serious Combat

In a single stroke, Dante’s Inferno’s death scythe cleaves through hordes of monsters, soldiers, or thrashing zombies. Yet, in truth, a scythe similar to a farmer’s tool would have been an unlikely choice for combat. Its blade is only sharp on the inside, and while it does offer reach, medieval warriors would have found other weapons more practical and readily available. However, many games, such as Final Fantasy 14 and Grim Dawn, have portrayed scythes as weapons because of their thematic appeal, so Dante’s Inferno isn’t the only game to do this.

A striking design might have been inspired by the image of the Grim Reaper, combined with the concept that a regular farming tool could potentially serve as a deadly weapon. However, if we’re talking practicality, it would be wiser to choose a polearm for its reach and sweeping ability, or a war scythe (a weapon with a curved blade extending outward and upward from the staff). Alternatively, a baseball bat with a few nails inserted could also serve as an effective makeshift weapon.

The Gunlance – Monster Hunter World

A Gigantic Gun And Lance, Together At Last

In the world of Monster Hunter World, it makes sense that colossal creatures need substantial hunting equipment to defeat them. The gunlance, a massive firearm equipped with a straight stock and a bayonet on its barrel, serves this purpose excellently. This melee weapon is designed for close combat; it can be thrust into a monster and fired for immense damage, although it’s capable of firing ranged rounds too. However, the sheer size of this weapon, though impressive in design, would be impractical for an ordinary person to handle, even with extraordinary strength.

This weapon appears to be designed for use by riders, such as those on horses or other vehicles. Yet, the user in the game is supposed to use it while standing on foot, which seems impractical. What’s more puzzling is that it is wielded with a massive heavy shield in one hand, making a powerful strike seem implausible. Nevertheless, its distinctive style earns it high praise among fans of Monster Hunting, who consider it one of the most stylish weapons ever imagined.

Bayonetta’s Sai Fung AKA Gun-Chucks – Bayonetta

How Much Gun Could A Gun-Chuck Chuck If A Gun-Chuck Could Chuck Gun?

The Bayonetta series isn’t famous for its accurate portrayal of combat, instead favoring a style that prioritizes coolness above all. For instance, Bayonetta wields guns attached to her heels which she can use to blast enemies when her hands are engaged (likely with more enemy firing). However, among the weapons, one in particular, acquired later on, is exceptionally absurd: the Sai Fung, or “gun chucks.

The bizarre love child of the notoriously difficult-to-use nunchaku and a revolver, this weapon fires bullets off indiscriminately as its user swings the two muzzles around at foes. Realistically, the random nature of its gunshots would mean a whole lot of self-foot shooting (or worse). If a stray bullet doesn’t hit a passerby or its sender, it would ricochet off any surface a number of times, increasing the odds of friendly fire exponentially. For anyone other than an Umbra Witch, this weapon is best chucked far away.

The Experimental MIRV – Fallout 3

The Scattershot Portable Nuke Launcher

In the realm of gaming, I can’t help but be smitten with the eccentric and outrageous arsenal found in the Fallout series. For instance, the wasteland has given birth to the “Rock-It Launcher,” a catapult that hurls debris, the “K9000 Cyberdog Gun,” and let’s not forget the “Fat Man,” a device capable of hurling mini-nukes. The prospect of unleashing a nuke on unsuspecting foes from afar, with its eerie, chilling appeal, is undeniably enticing. However, there’s one weapon in Fallout 3 that stands head and shoulders above even this spectacle.

In simpler terms, the Experimental MIRV in Fallout 3 is essentially a multi-shot nuclear device akin to a cluster bomb, releasing eight smaller explosions all at once. This makes it the most potent weapon within the game, and using such force could be described as excessive. Ensuring that one explosion occurs at a safe distance is a critical matter of survival, but it’s hard to fathom why anyone would think about unleashing all eight explosions simultaneously due to the high risk of two detonating close together, causing massive destruction, and the inevitable harm that even its user would suffer shortly after triggering.

2024-10-12 14:33