Ray Dalio

Now, while the team didn’t specifically point fingers at crypto exchanges, they did mention that crypto-adjacent platforms like Telegram have been thoroughly ransacked. Users are advised to keep their wits about them, avoid cloud storage like the plague, and for heaven’s sake, write down those seed phrases on paper! 📝

The fervor of the market is palpable; one could almost hear whispers of anticipation wafting through the digital ether. Traders, keen-eyed and twitching with excitement, now survey their charts like vigilant hawks, identifying pivotal thresholds that may very well herald WIF’s next grand excursion into the unknown.

But just like that, the party ended, and only a few savvy folks saw the writing on the wall. Fast forward to today, and guess what? We’re at another pivotal moment, and this time, the platform in the spotlight is none other than Telegram. Yes, the messaging app you use to send memes to your friends is about to change the game! 📱

Imagine, if you will, a veritable cornucopia of details: real usernames, passwords, cookies, and metadata, all meticulously organized and primed for the taking by those dastardly hackers. Vilius Petkauskas, the intrepid researcher, assures us that these details are as pristine as a freshly polished apple, most of which have never seen the light of day before. Oh, the joy for hackers, who can now wield these tools with the finesse of a maestro!

Chanos, in his infinite wisdom, is pondering whether the esteemed company known as Strategy is actually deriving its value from its Bitcoin investments or if it’s merely basking in the warm glow of the market premium to the net asset value (or as the cool kids call it, the mNAV premium). It’s a bit like asking if the chicken came before the egg, or if the egg was just a really confused chicken. 🐔🥚

Gonjeshke Darande, or as they prefer to be called, the Predatory Sparrow, is not your average band of cyber hooligans. They are a sophisticated bunch, with a flair for the dramatic and a clear political agenda. Analysts and officials are convinced they have strong ties to Israel—because who else would have the audacity to pull off such a stunt?

Linda Yaccarino—CEO extraordinaire and, one suspects, survivor of many a baffling Zoom call—told the Financial Times that X’s 600 million denizens will soon “transact [their] whole life on the platform.” Everything from sending a fiver to your clueless cousin to playing the investment game will be within thumb’s reach. No word yet on whether that life includes settling old cricket scores or redeeming leftover sandwich coupons, but hope springs eternal.

What truly tickled the crowd? Coinbase was graced with a $1.7 million dump. If that doesn’t raise eyebrows, then perhaps nothing is left living in that skull. “Diversification or desperation?” someone murmurs. Their smiles wide (perhaps too wide for comfort), memecoin architects seem either ready for profit or the nearest exit. 

Reports suggest that this initiative is designed to provide both retail and institutional clients a way to own XRP without the usual headaches of private wallets or the wild west of unregulated platforms. Because who needs the stress of managing their own crypto when you can let someone else do it for you, right? 🙄