Investment Policy

Jupiter, ever the showstopper, officially launched the private beta of its brainchild, Jupiter Lend, on August 6, 2025. This news was heralded, naturally, via their official X (formerly Twitter) account-a medium where brevity is king, but Jupiter’s ambitions are anything but brief. The DeFi community, which had been twiddling its thumbs in anticipation, erupted in cheers-or at least, polite keyboard clatter. At long last, here was a lending process that promised efficiency without requiring a PhD in quantum finance. 🎓💸

This digital gold rush was fueled by the usual suspects: ParaFi, Pantera Capital, Kraken, and Digital Currency Group-names that sound like they belong to a Victorian-era investment syndicate, not a bunch of crypto bros with too much caffeine and not enough sleep. The fundraising, one might say, is the UK’s most significant Bitcoin heist since the 18th-century East India Company decided to monetize its tea leaves.

Analysts with more on their plate than a maître d’ have spotted a legendary Golden Cross on SOL’s daily chart – that’s when the 50-day average fancy-dances above the 200-day line, darling. A graceful move that makes even the most cynical tip their hat.

This aquatic acquisition comes as DOGE trades at $0.2009, having taken a bit of a tumble lately (down nearly 10% for the week). Key support levels? Smashed through them like a bull in a china shop. According to CoinMarketCap data, both the 20-day EMA ($0.2129) and 50-day EMA ($0.2060) are now distant memories, much like my hopes of ever mastering long division.

With a staggering $16 million+ bagged before it even hits the blockchain, Little Pepe is rolling up its tiny, amphibian sleeves to create more than just another fleeting meme-it’s crafting its own Layer 2 blockchain. Think zero-tax trading, bot protection, and a launchpad so slick, even a crypto-noob can launch a meme coin faster than you can say, “HODL.” 🐸✨

Pump.fun (PUMP) is having a moment-a 24% weekly surge, trading at $0.0034, while the rest of the crypto market snoozes like a grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner. 🦃😴 Over the past day, it jumped 10%, with a trading volume of $531 million. That’s right, PUMP is the life of the party, and everyone else is stuck in the corner scrolling through their phones.

CoinGecko, because even crypto sites enjoy tossing in their two cents, reports that PROVE blazed a trail amid a sea of red-up 150%, reaching a peak of $1.52 before, like a fireworks display, settling at a modest $1.31. A trading frenzy that makes the stock market look like a slow dance-over 120,000% more volume than yesterday! More than a billion dollars of this digital mess danced through the ether, pushing the market cap to over $253 million. ✨💸