It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a company in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a crypto expert. Thus, it was with considerable delight that PSQ Holdings, Inc. (NYSE: PSQH), affectionately known as Publicsquare, announced on a fine Wednesday, the esteemed appointment of none other than the illustrious Caitlin Long, … Read more
In what could only be described as a comeback worthy of the most dramatic telenovelas, ADA brushed off a nasty dip near $0.7280—like a stubborn mule refusing to be knocked over, holding its ground above the $0.730 mark. Our brave little crypto then strutted past resistance levels at $0.7450 and $0.7650, possibly thinking, “Is that all you’ve got?”
Only four months ago, this reserve amounted to a rather modest $200 million—barely enough to buy a small country’s worth of comic books! Then, whoosh, up it shot like a rocket-fueled goose, growing 50 times in size. The stuffy old boardrooms of the world? Turns out they’re all whispering feverishly about Ethereum. It’s become the new darling, the belle of the strategic ball. 💃
In a turn of events that would make even the most jaded observer raise an eyebrow, Coinbase’s Base network has overtaken Solana [SOL] in daily token launches. And not just by a whisker—by a landslide! Since the fateful days of late July, the shift has been as relentless as a Tolstoy novel, with no signs of abating.
Well, butter my biscuit, the Nasdaq-listed blockchain outfit BTCS has gone and done it. They’ve filed a $2 billion shelf registration with the SEC, a move so bold it’d make a cannery worker blush. 🦀 This little piece of paperwork lets them raise capital over three years by slinging stocks, bonds, or warrants faster than a turtle can say “Grapes of Wrath.” Now, they ain’t said what they’ll spend it on, but word on the street is they’re fixin’ to hoard more Ethereum (ETH) like it’s the last can of peaches in winter. 🍑
Now, this paper—oh, what a masterpiece it was supposed to be! Titled the White House Crypto Report, it was released with pomp by the President’s Working Group on Digital Assets. Expect grand words and visions of America becoming the crypto capital of the universe. The White House even declared, “Together we will make the U.S. the crypto capital of the world,” like they were announcing the next Olympic event. Spoiler: nobody got the memo. 🏛️
Ripple, CB Insights, and the UK Centre for Blockchain Technologies have concocted a magical potion of a report, released on July 30, that delves into how traditional finance is throwing its hat into the blockchain ring. This spellbinding document, titled “Banking on Digital Assets,” tracks 345 investments made by global banks between 2020 and 2024, including 33 funding rounds that would make Scrooge McDuck blush, each exceeding $100 million. 🤑
Chairman Michael Saylor, ever the showman, took to X to announce their latest acquisition: 21,021 BTC at an average price of $117,256 per token. One must commend their flair for financial jargon—turning an IPO into a “Variable Rate Series A Perpetual Stretch Preferred Stock (STRC)” is nothing short of poetic. 🎭📈
Coinbase, America’s largest crypto exchange (and possibly its most self-important), has graciously announced the arrival of nano XRP and nano SOL perpetual futures. These shiny new products will descend upon traders like manna from the blockchain heavens—or so they’d have you believe. The stated aim? To swell the ranks of regulated crypto derivatives offerings, because apparently, there weren’t enough ways to lose money already.
This downturn? A masterclass in crypto theater. Whales have quit their seats in the orchestra, and tokens are filing into exchanges like guests at a tax audit. Profit-taking, they call it. A fancy way of saying “sell-offs and sighs.”
