Investment Policy

Grok, X’s AI tool, is basically saying, “Hey, remember when Bitcoin used to do that thing where it just… exploded? Well, it’s happening again, or maybe not. We’re not sure, but the odds are in the ‘explosive’ column, or maybe the ‘disastrous’ one. Your call.”

If this be true, and if history, that fickle lover, be any guide, then XRP shall bask in the glow of a long-term renaissance, akin to the fabled rise of ETH and BTC. A tale as old as time, yet ever so thrilling.

Indeed, the AIXBT agent—this on-chain oracle operating under the aegis of Virtual Protocol—has ascended to new heights, delivering trading signals with a clarity that borders on the preternatural. 📈

But Schwartz, ever the voice of reason, would not suffer such folly! “Fie upon this slander!” he cried (or tweeted, rather). “Powell’s stance, methinks, is as nuanced as a Molière monologue, not a mere tirade of hate!” 🧐

With a vote of 57–3—because democracy is just a numbers game, comrades—the New Ideas party and their gleeful allies have reshaped the future. Six-year terms! No more runoffs! And, of course, the grand prize: Bukele may now cling to power like a barnacle to the hull of a sinking ship. Such progress! Such efficiency! The Legislative Assembly nods in approval, their pens dripping with the ink of “justice.”

Behold TON, a choice that stands tall among the contenders for August! Its price, a modest $3.40, may seem like a wallflower at the ball, but hold your horses! A new investment contraption, dubbed the TON Treasury, is poised to make its grand entrance. This could be the golden key for U.S. investors, as TON is currently playing hard to get, not listed on Coinbase or Kraken. 🗝️

Meanwhile, stablecoins—those fiat-pegged crypto kiddies—are doing a jaw-dropping $27 trillion solo. That’s more than Visa and American Express combined, because apparently, paper currency is so last century. 📈💸

Apparently, this is one of the year’s biggest unlock events. Big deal, right? Well, it could make the market as volatile as Larry David at a buffet. 🥴

Bitcoin, in its infinite wisdom, decided to take yet another scenic route downhill 📉. This time it stopped for tea at July’s CME gap like it was bloody Nando’s.

Yet, the drama does not end there. As August looms, a storm of 162.8 million Pi tokens, valued at nearly $66 million, is set to unleash upon the market. This influx, increasing the circulating supply by 2.10%, is akin to a floodgate opening in a village already drenched by rain. Alas, where is the demand to meet this supply? The answer, my dear reader, is nowhere to be found. The stage is set for panic, and the actors—investors—are poised to flee, potentially driving Pi to a new all-time low of $0.36. 😢