Investment Policy

Gold, that age-old charm school dropout, is once again the belle of the ball for central banks desperate to escape the U.S. dollar’s clutches. El Salvador, in a recent announcement worthy of a dramatic opera, splurged 13,999 troy ounces ($50 million) to join the foreign reserve circus. Will this make the country a financial titan or just a gold-plated piñata? Only time will tell. 🎭✨

Hive Digital, a purveyor of blockchain and artificial intelligence (AI) infrastructure, has announced the completion of its bitcoin mining site in Yguazú. In a press release as dry as the Paraguayan summer, the company revealed it now mines over 8.5 BTC daily. The operation, a sprawling 200MW, is powered by the Itaipu dam, a monument to human ambition and the occasional electrocution of curious fish. 🌊⚡

Previous Asian Bitcoin ventures have been like a flock of sparrows-scattered and squawking. But Sora Ventures, with the subtlety of a cannonball, has centralized the chaos. This fund, dear reader, is a pool of institutional capital so deep, it could drown a man’s skepticism. It’s supposed to buoy existing Bitcoin treasurers and lure new ones into the fold, like a siren’s song with a 10% commission fee.

Crypto guru Cas Abbe dropped a report so shocking it could make a crypto bear weep tears of joy. 🎉 He claims this “negative flux” is bullish because investors are now hoarding ETH like it’s the last bag of chips at a party. “More coins are vanishing into private wallets than being deposited,” he said, which is basically the crypto version of a bank vault with a reverse door. 🚪

Yet, fret not! This may merely be the cosmic dance of weekend serenity, where traders vanish like ghosts at dawn. Still, the whales-those capricious leviathans of liquidity-have been stirring. They shuffle $140 million here, $700 million there, as if playing a game of hot potato with a side of existential dread. 🐳✨

Paxos and Frax Finance, two old hands in this wild west of crypto, have thrown their ten-gallon hats into the ring, each claimin’ they’re the one to tame this bronco of a stablecoin and ride it to glory. 🤠

And now? Now the U.S. jobs market is weaker than my Aunt Mildred after a bingo tournament. They’re saying TWO rate cuts in 2025?! Two! Can you believe it? It’s a financial fandango! 🕺

No sooner had WLFI made its grand entrance on September 1st, climbing to an all-time high of $0.46, than it was promptly yanked back down ⬇️ by a swarm of sellers. Allegedly, TRON founder Justin Sun, some insidious insiders, and a few whales took part in this aquatic assault, sending the token spiraling to a pitiful $0.16 by September 4th. Oh, the tragedy! 😢

In a jaw-dropping announcement (probably made with a straight face), CEO Paolo Ardoino dropped this bombshell on September 6. The plan? To stretch Tether’s empire far beyond stablecoins, straight into privacy-obsessed chatting-because when I think “heart-to-heart,” I think “blockchain.”