Crypto’s Great Crash: $2B Vanishes in 24 Hours 🚀💸

Bitcoin, that old grifter with a grin, accounted for half the carnage, leaving longs-those fools who bet on sunshine-scrambling like gophers with their holes collapsing. Shorts? They just stood there, smug as a cat in a sunbeam, pocketing $129.3 million while the rest of us wept into our coffee.

Bitcoin’s Great Plunge: $2B Gone & Whales Doing the Macarena 💃🐋

Coinglass, our modern-day Cassandra, reports that $1B of this carnage occurred in the last hour alone. One imagines traders clutching pearls and muttering “not again” as the charts turned blood-red. Meanwhile, the average BTC ETF investor-bless their optimistic hearts-is currently marinating in losses like a particularly soggy crumpet.

Bitcoin price plummets to $85k! Will it crash to $80k or bounce back? Find out!

Bitcoin’s price dropped like a lead balloon thanks to a long squeeze, where traders holding long positions were hit with a tsunami of liquidations. According to Coinglass, a whopping $443 million worth of long positions were liquidated in just 24 hours, compared to a paltry $26 million in short positions. Those long holders were probably cursing their luck as they watched their money vanish into thin air. 💸

🤑 XRP ETF: A Dash of Dash for the NYSE! 🤑

Bitwise Asset Management, with a flourish of their quill, has launched the Bitwise XRP ETF upon the grand stage of the New York Stock Exchange. The fund, I assure you, is now available for trading, having navigated the labyrinthine NYSE certification and SEC procedures with admirable aplomb. It is a spot exchange-traded fund, designed to offer investors direct exposure to XRP, the third-most esteemed cryptocurrency. 🌟

Crypto Confab: Lisbon’s Latest 🤔

From the fourteenth to the sixteenth of November, the Carlos Lopes Pavilion played host to this assembly of those who seek to make a living – or, at least, a passable imitation thereof – by discoursing on the marvels of digital currency. Executives, creators, and others of varying degrees of involvement populated the halls, all ostensibly engaged in pondering the shifting sands of influence and monetization. Such earnestness! 🙄