Worst Versions Of Batman – Investment Policy

In the vast world of DC Comics, Batman isn’t always a perfect hero. While some versions of Batman are skilled and intimidating, striking fear into criminals and moving effortlessly through Gotham City, others struggle with even the basics, like driving the Batmobile without causing an accident.

This team of heroes fumbles around Gotham, solving crimes with almost no skill, and falls far short of being called the ‘World’s Greatest Detective.’ They’re simply not very good at their jobs.

Batzarro

The Worst Detective In The Multiverse

First Appearance: Superman/Batman #20 (June 2005)

As a huge DC fan, I’ve always been fascinated by Batzarro. He’s basically the Joker’s messed-up version of Bizarro – you know, the backwards creature from Htrae? It’s a brilliant concept! Instead of fighting crime like Batman, Batzarro’s brain works in reverse. He gets everything flipped, so he ends up thinking heroes are the bad guys and villains are the good ones. His ‘detective work’ is hilariously awful – it leads him to the opposite of the truth!

Batzarro is a constant problem. He wears his utility belt upside down, speaks in a way nobody understands, and is strangely dedicated to doing the wrong thing. He doesn’t mourn his parents’ death – he caused it. His foolish actions put everyone in danger, creating so much chaos that people try to stay far away from him.

Batman Of Zur-En-Arrh

Madness & Vigilantism Don’t Mix

First Appearance: Batman #678 (August 2008)

Zur-En-Arrh began as a strange character from Batman’s Silver Age, but Grant Morrison reimagined him as a hidden defense mechanism. It’s a personality Bruce Wayne created to take over if his own mind was ever broken. This version of Batman isn’t just prepared – he’s completely unhinged.

When Batman becomes Zur-En-Arrh, he transforms into a wildly colorful version of himself, grabbing a baseball bat and following the lead of a Bat-Mite hallucination. Though he can’t be manipulated psychologically, it’s because he’s lost touch with reality. This makes traditional tactics ineffective, as he’s impossible to talk sense to.

When Batman reaches this point, he becomes more of a hindrance than a help. Both his friends and foes are unnerved by how erratic he’s become. He mostly works alone, trying to save Gotham by battling Dr. Hurt and the Black Glove using whatever methods he can think of on the spot. This version of Batman, hailing from Zur-En-Arrh, demonstrates that even the best planning can become so complicated it defeats its own purpose. He’s essentially become his own biggest threat, a dangerous force unleashed.

James Gordon As Batman (Superheavy)

Well-Meaning But Woefully Inadequate

First Appearance: Batman #41 (June 2015)

The idea of a battle-hardened police commissioner like James Gordon taking over as Batman seemed promising. However, his time in the Batsuit actually shows that not everyone is suited for being a vigilante. The ‘Superheavy’ storyline gives Gordon a high-tech robotic Batsuit and the support of the Gotham City Police Department, along with Powers Tech, essentially making him a Batman who’s still learning the ropes.

Gordon has good intentions, but he struggles with the challenges of becoming Batman. His taking on the role feels more like a publicity stunt, which undermines the intimidating and mysterious image Batman is known for. He quickly finds himself overwhelmed, and the Batsuit suffers significant damage. While some allies appreciate his efforts, the rest of the Bat-family remains doubtful. Even his trademark mustache doesn’t make it through the experience. Ultimately, Gordon doesn’t just fall short of Bruce Wayne’s legacy – he completely stumbles trying to live up to it.

All-Star Batman & Robin

Stretches The Definition Of “Hero”

First Appearance: All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder #1 (September 2005)

This Batman is full of contradictions – a flawed hero who’s arguably as dangerous as the villains he fights. Frank Miller’s portrayal doesn’t hold back: this Batman is almost a psychopath, willing to kidnap allies like Dick Grayson, intimidate those around him, and essentially control Gotham City as he sees fit.

Miller’s Batman is known for being harsh, but this version goes further – he seems to enjoy inflicting pain. Alfred is stuck helping him, and Robin is essentially a deeply troubled young person waiting for something terrible to happen, a theme also touched on in The Dark Knight Strikes Again.

Despite being a brilliant strategist, Batman often lets his personal grudges get the better of him – for example, he once attacked Green Lantern by tricking him into a room designed to weaken his powers. His sense of justice is so unclear that even Commissioner Gordon struggles to tell Batman’s actions apart from those of the criminals he fights.

Batman From “Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader”

Specifically, Alfred’s Sad Version Of Events

First Appearance: Batman #686 (April 2009)

A story within Neil Gaiman’s Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? reveals a surprising truth: Alfred, Batman’s butler, was secretly behind all of Batman’s enemies. He created these villains not to challenge Bruce Wayne, but to give him purpose and prevent him from falling into hopelessness. This means Batman’s entire fight against crime was, in effect, a carefully constructed illusion – he was never truly battling genuine evil.

This story reveals that every crime Batman solves is actually an elaborate performance put on by his closest allies. The villains of Gotham aren’t real threats; instead, they’re actors – even Alfred plays the Joker – creating a false reality. This makes Bruce’s intelligence and heroism a heartbreaking illusion. Rather than overcoming challenges, he’s sheltered and kept from truly making a difference, making him the most tragic Batman of all.

Batman From “I, Joker”

Batman’s Original Message Lost To The Ages

First Appearance: Batman: I, Joker (August 1998)

In this dark and bleak future, Batman isn’t a single person, but a title – ‘The Bruce’ – inherited through generations via a strict set of rituals. The religion that has grown up around Batman has completely changed his original purpose.

Rather than safeguarding the public, “The Bruce” oversees a brutal yearly event. Each year, unwilling citizens are surgically altered to look like his enemies, then forced to participate in a deadly hunt throughout the city. The survivor earns a chance to fight “The Bruce” and potentially take his place, while those who fail are killed simply for entertainment.

What started as Batman taking the law into his own hands has, over time, become a cruel and twisted cycle of violence – a far cry from his original purpose. This version of Batman is arguably among the most flawed and unethical we’ve seen.

2025-10-22 14:29