🚀 Ripple Says “Thanks, But No Thanks” to Wall Street’s IPO Party While SEC Licks Wounds 📈

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In a twist of fate that would make a Vogon’s bureaucratic heart skip a beat, Ripple‘s president Monica Long stood before the Paris Blockchain Week conference, radiating the kind of confidence typically reserved for someone who’s just won an argument with a computer. 🤖

Having emerged victorious from their epic saga with the SEC (a regulatory body about as popular in crypto circles as a digital paperclip), Ripple has decided that going public is about as necessary as a chocolate teapot. 🍫

In what could be described as the financial equivalent of “42,” Ripple casually dropped $1.25 billion on Hidden Road, a prime broker that moves money around faster than a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster hits your system. 🌌

Hidden Road, which sounds like something Douglas Adams might have named a bypass, turns out to be a rather serious operation dealing in all sorts of fancy financial instruments that would make your average crypto trader’s head spin faster than a Babel fish in a blender. 🐟

“The US market is effectively open,” declared Brad Garlinghouse, CEO of Ripple, with all the enthusiasm of Arthur Dent finding his favorite tea shop moments before Earth’s demolition. 🌍

Long, displaying the kind of practicality that would impress even Marvin the Paranoid Android, explained how Hidden Road’s $3 trillion volume might actually help drag traditional finance into crypto, kicking and screaming if necessary. 💫

As for their shiny new stablecoin RLUSD, it’s being positioned as collateral with all the importance of a towel in interstellar travel. 🚀

Regarding the SEC lawsuit conclusion, Long appeared about as relieved as Ford Prefect after hitching a successful ride off a doomed planet. 😮‍💨

And finally, on the subject of an IPO, Long essentially said “Don’t Panic” – they’re perfectly happy being private, thank you very much, though she left the door open with all the certainty of a Schrodinger’s cat’s survival prospects. 😺

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2025-04-08 16:05