Crypto news

Let’s dissect the XRP/USDT situation, but, like, just the 1-hour chart, so you can feel alive for the next sixty minutes. Turns out the momentum is—gasp—bullish. We got a little candle burlesque to $2.22, then a retrace, forming what the professionals soberly call a “potential bull flag.” (Normal people call it “is my coin up or down?”) Big green candle, big volume—pretty much a neon sign flashing “BUYERS WERE HERE!” If you’ve ever wanted to do something reckless, entering near $2.208 could be your moment. Targets? $2.22-ish. Basically, cluster near some random decimals and hope you’re right.

The weekly Binance report—think of it as Netflix’s “previously on” for crypto—notes that Bitcoin lost a smidge (that’s a technical term) of dominance. Don’t get too excited, though; it’s not altcoin springtime just yet, unless your idea of an ‘altseason’ is migrating your Altcoins into existential crisis chats.

A reporter, whose job was clearly to try and dislodge answers like coins from the sofa, asked whether the President would consider dumping his digital assets for the sake of passing crypto laws. Judging from his answer, the president’s strategy was “Walking to Ankh-Morpork via Überwald.” Long, meandering, and full of scenery.

Ahold Delhaize USA Services, the trusted hand behind the scenes, meant to oil the great machine, found itself caught unawares; perhaps they too were distracted by the eternal mystery of the lost shopping list. In the space between November’s sullen evenings—a hacker’s moon, if you will—a breach occurred, and the precious data, ranging from names and numbers to the contents of employment and medical histories (and, shockingly, not anyone’s grocery rewards points), was spirited away.

Star of the party: Pi App Studio. Imagine an AI co-pilot that lets you create apps without touching code, keys, or caffeine. All you do is tell it what you want (ideally not world domination, let’s keep it civil), and boom: your app pops out, complete with all the blockchainy bits politely running in stealth mode. The only line of code you’ll write is a grocery list.

Out beyond the dust and the flat price, something else churned. The Ethereum network, if you looked close, was anything but quiet. No tumbleweed here: millions – that’s right, millions – of transactions stuffed down its gullet like coins in a tired saloon jukebox. One day not long ago, one million and three-quarters, Alemán said (he’s the kind of fellow who counts these things, maybe for fun or maybe just for crypto respect). Third busiest day ever. In all of history. Not quite “they’ll talk about this in schoolbooks” material, but at least interesting enough to break up the monotony.

Center stage is Mr. Steve Gregory: former compliance czar, accomplished legal eagle, and now crypto’s would-be Prometheus. This is the gentleman who has wrangled three mighty exchanges and, in a fit of regulatory heroism, lassoed the entire mosaic of U.S. money transmission licenses in under a year at CEX.IO. Now, in a move both epic and pettily satisfying, he sets out to raze crypto’s favorite cash cow: the humble trading fee. Moo. 🐄

If you thought things were finally calming down, bad news: just weeks post-hack, on August 13, 2024, it emerged that Nischal transferred—nay, yeeted—100% ownership of Shinjuku FZC LLC (one of those crypto holding companies with a name that sounds like sushi and a Bond villain’s lair) to his wife, Moujhari Guha. Not 10%, not 50%, but the whole enchilada. 🍣🕶️

Judge Torres, with the solemnity of a railway ticket inspector, announced: “Gentlemen, the locomotive of The Law chugs along. If the tracks haven’t changed, why should my train?” She reminded both legal warriors that no matter how much they tip their wigs or shine their boots, public judgments aren’t effaced by private nods. If Ripple and the SEC wish for peace, either they must drop their theater of appeals, or keep dancing through the corridors of bureaucracy.

Despite its brief nap, Dogwifhat remains awake in the market, with trading volume plodding along quite healthily. This means that plenty of people are still keen—either to get rich or to have an excellent cocktail party story about their animated hat dog obsession.