🇬🇧 Crypto Snail Race: Osborne Yells “Faster!” at UK’s Slowpoke Regulators 🚀

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George Osborne is basically the crypto cheerleader the UK never knew it needed, but like, is anyone listening? 🎉

So, former UK Chancellor George Osborne (yeah, the guy who’s now BFFs with Coinbase 💰) is waving his arms like a maniac, shouting, “We’re falling behind, people!” He’s comparing this crypto moment to the 1980s Big Bang reforms, which, let’s be real, were basically the financial equivalent of a glitter bomb. ✨ Now, he’s like, “Crypto is the new glitter bomb, and we’re over here with a glue stick while the US, EU, and Asia are already making glitter masterpieces.” 🌟

Osborne to Reeves & BoE: “Seriously, Get a Move On!” 🐢➡️🚀

Osborne, who’s been Chancellor-ing from 2010 to 2016 (and now moonlights as a crypto advisor 🌙), is pointing fingers at Chancellor Rachel Reeves and Bank of England Governor Andrew Bailey. He’s like, “You’re being cautious? Cool. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is doing crypto backflips.” 🤸‍♂️ He’s also salty that UK retail investors can’t get their hands on crypto derivatives and ETNs, while the US and EU are like, “Here, have some financial fun!” 🎉

Related Reading: FCA Finally Lets UK Investors Play with Crypto ETNs in 2025 – Only a Decade Late! ⏳

Osborne’s like, “Guys, we need a stablecoin framework, stat!” But Reeves is all, “Yeah, yeah, we’re on it,” and Osborne’s like, “What does that even mean? Are we gluing coins to the internet or what?” 🪙💻 Meanwhile, Bailey’s not sold on commercial banks issuing stablecoins, and Osborne’s like, “Great, let’s just hand the future to someone else.” 🙄

But hey, he’s not just blaming the regulators. He’s like, “Leadership, people! Look at the US Congress – they’re writing crypto laws like it’s their job. Oh wait, it is.” 📜 Abu Dhabi, Hong Kong, the EU – they’re all sprinting, and the UK’s like, “I’ll just walk, thanks.” 🚶‍♂️

Reeves: “UK Will Be Crypto Prom Queen!” 👑 Osborne: “Prove It.” 😒

Reeves is all, “We’re gonna be the crypto prom queen!” but Osborne’s like, “Girl, please. We’ve heard that before. Politicians love to talk crypto, but then they’re like, ‘Nah, let’s stick to bingo.’” 🎱 Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong chimed in, saying the UK still treats crypto like gambling, and Osborne’s like, “Yeah, because nothing says ‘innovation’ like comparing Bitcoin to a slot machine.” 🎰

Meanwhile, US investors are buying Bitcoin ETFs like they’re going out of style, thanks to BlackRock and friends. UK investors? Still waiting for their invite to the party. 🎟️ And even though 8 million Brits have bought crypto, their money’s probably chilling in some foreign company’s wallet. 🌍

Osborne’s final warning? “We had a head start, but now we’re like the kid who forgot their gym shoes. If we don’t hustle, we’re gonna miss the financial bus.” 🚌 So, UK, time to lace up those sneakers and sprint, or we’ll be left waving goodbye to the crypto parade. 🏃‍♀️💨

 

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2025-08-05 01:23