🚨 Block’s Bloodbath: 1k Jobs Slashed! 🤑

by

Oh, the cruel whims of capitalism! Fintech behemoth Block, brainchild of the illustrious Jack Dorsey, has unceremoniously shown the door to a staggering 931 employees – a whopping 8% of its workforce. The reason, you ask? A Q4 earnings report as dismal as a Russian winter 🥶.

According to an internal email, leaked to TechCrunch like a juicy Soviet-era rumor, Dorsey broke the news to his staff with all the warmth of a Moscow bureaucrat. The layoffs, he claimed, were merely “org changes” – a euphemism as convincing as a used car salesman’s smile 🚗.

“None of the above points are trying to hit a specific financial target, replacing folks with AI, or changing our headcount cap. They are specific to our needs around strategy, raising the bar and acting faster on performance, and flattening our org so we can move faster and with less abstraction.”

— Jack Dorsey, aka The Axe Man 🪓

Let’s decipher the CEO’s doublespeak, shall we? 🧐 It appears 391 poor souls were sacrificed at the altar of “strategy”, while 460 underperformers were given the boot for, well, underperforming 📉. Another 80 managerial positions were axed in the name of “streamlining” – because who needs middle management, anyway? 🙅‍♂️. And, in a bizarre twist, 193 managers were demoted to individual contributor roles, because who doesn’t love a good game of corporate musical chairs? 🎶

But wait, there’s more! Block is also putting the kibosh on 748 open positions, except for those in “critical operations” – code for “we still need someone to keep the lights on” 💡. This latest cull comes hot on the heels of another 1,000 layoffs in early 2024, leaving the company with a lean, mean workforce of approximately 11,300 worldwide 🌎.

And what of the Q4 earnings report that sparked this bloodbath, you ask? 🤑 Block’s adjusted earnings per share limped in at 71 cents, a full 16 cents shy of Wall Street’s expectations 📊. Revenue, too, fell short, with $6.03 billion failing to meet the predicted $6.29 billion 📉. Ah, the agony of missed targets! 🤕

Read More

2025-03-26 14:43