🤥 Arkham’s Zcash Blunder: Privacy Warriors Strike Back! 🛡️

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Well, bugger me with a cryptographic key, Arkham Intelligence has gone and stuck its foot in it again! 🦶✨ After a spot of “deanonymization” drama with Zcash, they’ve decided to respond to the public outcry with all the grace of a troll under a bridge. Their official rejoinder? Calling critics “keyboard privacy warriors [or] bots posting nasty things.” Oh, and let’s not forget the cherry on top: “nitpicking technical terminology concerning the tiny amounts they’re hiding exclusively in shielded pools.” Tiny amounts? Sounds like someone’s jealous they can’t find the big bucks! 💰🕵️‍♂️

In their original thread (posted on Dec. 8, because why not stir the pot before the holidays? 🎄), Arkham claimed to have “deanonymized” Zcash, with a thumbnail screaming “Zcash deanonymization” in letters so big you’d think they’d discovered the Holy Grail. 🏆 The crypto world, being the drama-loving bunch it is, ate it up faster than a goblin with a gold coin. Media outlets and journalists (including the ever-reliable Colin Wu) amplified the message, because who doesn’t love a good scandal? 📰

But then, along came Zcash’s creator, Zooko, and Mert, the Helius Labs CEO, to set the record straight. Zooko, ever the gentleman, politely pointed out that Arkham’s claims were about as accurate as a wizard’s weather forecast. 🧙‍♂️☔ “No, Arkham didn’t actually deanonymize any ZEC that was held at rest in the shielded pool,” he explained. “That would be impossible because the information just isn’t there.” Oopsie! 🤭 Mert, not one to mince words, called Arkham’s move “as scammy as it gets,” adding that throwing in “deanonymization” was just a cheap trick for clicks. Clickbait, much? 🎣

“Credit to ZCASH ZOOKO for a very civilized response and appreciation of Arkham’s contributions to the ecosystem. He’s a big fan.” 😒

Many keyboard privacy warriors / bots posting nasty things, nitpicking technical terminology concerning the tiny amounts they’re hiding exclusively…

– Arkham (@arkham) December 9, 2025

Mert didn’t stop there. In a follow-up, he advised Arkham to “[not] blatantly lie (…) to get short-term attention.” Wise words, but will Arkham listen? Probably not. They’re too busy labeling 50% of Zcash transactions (the transparent ones, mind you) and making AI-powered guesses that are about as reliable as a Discworld map. 🗺️🤷‍♂️

Coinspeaker tried to get a word with Arkham, but surprise, surprise, no response. Meanwhile, Arkham’s official account admitted that “shielded-to-shielded” transactions are impossible to trace. Well, duh! 😐

Arkham Intelligence Adds Zcash Coverage (With a Side of Drama)

For the transparent transactions, Arkham claims to have labeled key accounts, traced connections, and made educated guesses. Impressive, if not for the fact that they’re still trying to save face. 🤡 According to their data, the United States Government is Zcash’s largest transparent holder, with 3,692 ZEC that’ve doubled in value since seizure. Nice work if you can get it! 🇺🇸💼

In trading news, one lucky duck purchased $4.49 million of Zcash during the October crash and moved it to Gemini, netting a cool $6.6 million profit. Not bad for a day’s work! 💹 Meanwhile, Zcash has been on a tear, with over 1,000% gains since August. Talk about a wild ride! 🎢

So, what’s the moral of this tale? Don’t believe everything you read, especially if it’s from Arkham. And if you’re going to make bold claims, make sure you’ve got the facts to back them up. Otherwise, the privacy warriors will come for you, pitchforks and all. 🏰⚔️

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2025-12-09 23:44