43 Days Later: The SEC & CFTC Finally Return… Spoiler: They’re Still Clueless 🤷♂️💸

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Oh, great! After 43 days of chaos-because apparently Washington D.C. runs on caffeine and sheer spite-the SEC and CFTC are finally letting their furloughed employees back in. Can you believe it? People actually showed up to work. Revolutionary stuff. 🤢

According to these “operations plans” (because obviously the government needed a 43-day nap), staff are expected to shuffle back in Thursday after Trump signed a funding bill late Wednesday. Because nothing says “leadership” like playing hot potato with a budget. 🐔

The CFTC’s “next regularly scheduled workday” nonsense was confirmed by Acting Chair Caroline Pham on X. Because who better to trust with financial oversight than someone named Pham who tweets at 7 a.m.? 🤷♂️

During the shutdown, the SEC couldn’t even review ETFs… what’s next, they’ll start using slide rules? The CFTC, meanwhile, “ceased the vast bulk of its operations.” Translation: They sat around eating donuts and pretending to care about crypto. 🍩

Now that they’re back, expect a deluge of “catch-up work” on registration applications. Companies submitted IPOs and ETFs mid-shutdown, thinking, “Hey, maybe the government will return eventually!” Spoiler: It did. Now enjoy the bureaucratic backlog. 🚨

Jay Dubow, a lawyer who probably charges $1,000 an hour to sound reasonable, warned about “things slipping through the cracks.” Because of course they did. Why do you think we’re all here? 🤔

“Every shutdown is just a chance to lose files, forget passwords, and blame interns. Classic!”

Guess what? During the shutdown, SEC Chair Paul Atkins still found time to speak at conferences. Because apparently, he’s allowed to pontificate about crypto but not enforce basic regulations. Priorities, people! 🎤

Atkins also mentioned a “token taxonomy” anchored in the Howey test. Anchored? More like adrift. Meanwhile, Pham pushed for leveraged crypto trading. Because nothing says “stability” like letting clueless investors bet on Bitcoin. 🚀

Prospective CFTC Chair Scheduled for Senate Hearing

Michael Selig, the SEC’s crypto task force chief counsel (who probably Googles “Howey test” every morning), is set to face the Senate Agriculture Committee. Great! Another day, another bureaucratic circus… and I’m not even the ringmaster. 🤡

If Selig gets confirmed, Pham will exit. But even then, the CFTC will have one confirmed commissioner out of five. Because why have a functioning agency when you can have a comedy of errors? 🤷♂️

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2025-11-14 00:09