Senator Lummis: Bitcoin is Freedom Money, and You’re All Dumb!

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The United States, that most conservative of nations, may finally be succumbing to the global Bitcoin craze, much to the delight of Senator Cynthia Lummis, who has once again taken to the airwaves to declare that this digital sorcery is the key to American prosperity. 💰🧠

While Ms. Lummis is known for her relentless advocacy of Bitcoin, akin to a determined terrier nipping at the heels of a reluctant ox, her latest proclamation that the cryptocurrency is “digital gold” comes as no surprise to those who have ever gazed upon a spreadsheet and wept. 🧠💸

During her recent chat with FOX Business, the senator waxed poetic about Bitcoin, likening it to a “freedom money” that allows users to transact across the globe with the ease of a well-timed wink. A noble cause, one might say, though it’s unclear how this will solve the pressing issue of finding a decent cup of coffee in Washington. ☕

‘Bitcoin is freedom money’

With the fervor of a man explaining the rules of cricket to a bewildered tourist, Senator Lummis insisted that Bitcoin is not merely a speculative asset but a “transformative force” that will liberate Americans from the shackles of traditional finance. One can only imagine the joy of paying for groceries with a blockchain. 🚀

According to the senator, Bitcoin offers a panacea for inflation, transaction fees, and the existential dread of being excluded from the financial system. A true marvel, though one wonders if it can also solve the mystery of why the postal service is perpetually out of stock of stamps. 📮

In a bid to bring order to the chaotic world of cryptocurrencies, Lummis has partnered with fellow legislators to draft a bill that would define non-security tokens, impose disclosures, and modernize the SEC’s oversight. A grand scheme, though it’s hard not to suspect that the SEC is already busy redefining the term “security” to include things like existential crises. 🧠

Bitcoin retains bulls

Despite Bitcoin’s recent sideways trudge, akin to a sloth on a treadmill, its supporters remain as steadfast as a penguin in a sauna. Retail and institutional investors alike continue to bet on its future, though one can’t help but wonder if they’re merely chasing the ghost of a bygone era. 📉📈

While some investors have taken profits, the demand for Bitcoin remains as unyielding as a British summer. A testament to its allure, though one might argue it’s more about the thrill of the gamble than any actual utility. 🎰

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2025-07-26 00:04