Changpeng Zhao’s Sassy Court Drama: “U.S. Law? Sorry, Wrong Planet!” 🛸🧑‍⚖️

OMG. Gather round, legal drama fans and crypto gossip enthusiasts! In a new filing bound to make even the Delaware Bankruptcy Court choke on its gavel, Changpeng Zhao-crypto’s version of the elusive jetsetter-has sworn he’s not the Bond villain everyone’s hoping for. Instead, his lawyers say he’s being unfairly cast as Sam Bankman-Fried’s evil sidekick in a tale of FTX doom and gloom. News flash: Zhao claims he was merely the (very unglamorous) +1 at the world’s most volatile business dinner. 🍽️🤷‍♂️

Apparently, Zhao has been enjoying UAE sunshine while all the alleged drama went down “offshore”-think grand tour of Ireland, the Cayman Islands, and the British Virgin Islands (next stop: somewhere even more untouchable!). His legal crew is positively tickled at the idea that U.S. law could pluck him from his deck chair. They recommend the courts take a holiday themselves. 🚫🗺️

The filing even brands the lawsuit “extraterrestrial,” which is a polite lawyer’s way of saying “be serious, please.” According to Zhao’s camp, the case has less U.S. legal connection than Elon Musk’s next SpaceX launch.

For those drawing wild Venn diagrams of Binance and FTX bromance: don’t bother. That relationship, Zhao insists, went south faster than you can say “strategic differences.” Binance briefly flirted with a 20% stake in FTX but quickly packed its bags-romance never even made it past appetizers.

And just to add more courtroom spice, Samuel Wenjun Lim and Dinghua Xiao (also starring in “The Binance Files”) have asked the court to please take their names out of this mess, too-citing dramatic overreach worthy of a daytime soap.

FYI: All info here is to amuse and inform, not to inspire reckless investments or grand legal conspiracies. Be your own hero, make your own choices, consult someone with a very expensive suit before betting the farm. 🐑💼

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2025-08-06 15:15