🚀 Crypto Treasuries: Buckle Up for a Wild Ride! 🚀

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So, the premiums of digital asset treasury (DAT) firms are plummeting faster than a sofa through the airlock of the Heart of Gold, and according to the wise folks at New York Digital Investment Group (NYDIG), it’s only going to get more turbulent unless someone hits the brakes. 🛑

NYDIG’s global head of research, Greg Cipolaro, chimed in on Friday (probably while sipping a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster) that the gap between stock prices and net asset values (NAV) of Bitcoin-hoarding giants like Metaplanet and Strategy is shrinking faster than a towel in a Vogon laundry. And this is happening even as BTC hits new highs, which is about as logical as a Vogon poetry reading. 🤯

“The forces behind this compression appear to be varied,” Cipolaro mused, probably stroking an imaginary cat. “Investor anxiety over forthcoming supply unlocks, DAT management teams changing their minds more often than Zaphod Beeblebrox changes personalities, tangible increases in share issuance, profit-taking, and the fact that everyone’s treasury strategy looks like it was copied from the same How to Be a Crypto Mogul for Dummies book.” 📉

Crypto Turbulence Chart

Crypto treasury firms have become the latest Wall Street fad, raking in billions like it’s going out of style. Investors, ever the optimists, are comparing share prices to asset values to gauge their health, which is about as reliable as trusting a Golgafrinchan to pilot your spaceship. 🤑

Share Buybacks: The Lifeboat in This Sinking Ship 🆘

Cipolaro warns that a “bumpy ride may be ahead” for these firms, as many are waiting for mergers or financing deals to go public, which could trigger a “substantial wave of selling” from existing shareholders. Because, you know, nothing says confidence like everyone rushing for the exits. 🚪

He added that companies like KindlyMD and Twenty One Capital are trading at or below their recent fundraise values, and a share price drop “might exacerbate selling once shares are freely tradeable.” So, basically, it’s a game of hot potato, and no one wants to be left holding the bag. 🥔

If shares dip below NAV, Cipolaro suggests the obvious solution: stock buybacks. Because nothing says “we’re totally fine” like buying back your own shares to prop up the price. It’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, but hey, it’s something. 🩹

“If we were to give one piece of advice to DATs, it’s to save some funds for buybacks,” he said, probably while winking at the camera. Because nothing screams financial stability like a rainy-day fund for share prices. ☔

Bitcoin Holdings Peak, But Buying Slows Like a Sluggish Slurm 🦥

Bitcoin buying companies have hit a peak of 840,000 BTC this year, with Strategy holding a whopping 76% (637,000 BTC) of the total. The rest is scattered across 32 other firms, according to a CryptoQuant report that probably took longer to write than it did for the Vogons to destroy Earth. 🌍💥

While the number of purchases per month is up, CryptoQuant notes that the total amount of Bitcoin bought by these companies slowed in August, dipping below this year’s monthly average. It’s like they suddenly realized they’ve been buying Bitcoin like it’s going out of style, which, let’s face it, it might be. 🛒

Bitcoin Buying Slowdown Chart

For instance, Strategy’s average purchase size dropped to 1,200 BTC in August, compared to its 2025 peak of 14,000 BTC. Meanwhile, other companies bought 86% less Bitcoin compared to their March high. It’s like they all got a sudden case of buyer’s remorse. 😬

This has led to a sudden slowdown in Bitcoin treasury holdings growth, with Strategy’s monthly growth rate dropping to 5% last month, compared to 44% at the end of 2024. Other companies saw an 8% growth in August, down from 163% in March. It’s enough to make you wonder if they’ve all decided to hodl instead of buy. 💎✋

Bitcoin itself has been trading flat at around $111,200 in the last 24 hours, down 10.5% from its mid-August peak of over $124,000. So, if you were hoping for a moon shot, you might want to hold onto your towel a little tighter. 🚀🌙

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2025-09-08 06:47