Kraken’s $2M Crypto Crusade: Freedom or Folly?

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In a world where digital gold is the new currency, Kraken, the crypto titan, has cast its lot with the shadows of political machinations, donating $2 million to two PACs in a bid to “defend crypto freedoms”-a phrase as hollow as a hollowed-out bank vault. 🦠🧠

Co-CEO Arjun Sethi, with the gravitas of a prophet preaching to the converted, declared on X that Kraken’s $1 million to the Freedom Fund PAC and $1 million to America First Digital is a “fight for crypto” that will outlast the next election cycle. Or perhaps the next five. 🧠⚖️

“The fight for crypto in the US is far from over,” he wrote, as if the very concept of freedom were a game of chess played by bureaucrats with a 100-year-old rulebook. Self-custody? Decentralized access? These are the sacred cows of a digital priesthood, now under siege by regulators who clearly haven’t read the fine print. 🛡️💸

At stake, according to Sethi, is “the core rights of individuals in a digital age.” A noble cause-until you realize the “individuals” in question are mostly wealthy investors and tech barons who’ve never had to queue for bread. 🥖👑

Crypto principles, not political parties

Sethi insists the donations are “strategic investments in the legal and regulatory frameworks that will define crypto’s future.” A fancy way of saying, “We’re not backing a party, but we’re definitely backing the party that backs us.” Both groups, it turns out, are as aligned with pro-Trump causes as a snake is with a rodent. 🐍🪖

The political landscape, as ever, is a circus. The GENIUS Act passed with 300 votes, including Democrats who clearly forgot their own platform. And Senator Lummis? She’s promising a bill that will reach Trump’s desk by Thanksgiving. A holiday tradition, it seems, of passing laws that only the wealthy can afford. 🎄⚖️

CryptoMoon, in a valiant effort to get a comment, was met with silence. Perhaps Kraken’s PR team is busy drafting their next manifesto. 📜✨

Fellowship PAC launches with $100 million

Crypto advocates, ever the overachievers, have launched Fellowship PAC with $100 million to “support pro-innovation candidates.” A noble goal, if you ignore the fact that “pro-innovation” often means “pro-wealth” in this context. 🧑‍💼📈

With Fairshake PAC already spending $130 million on ads, it’s clear the crypto crowd has mastered the art of political theater. Their message? “Vote for us, or we’ll tax your savings.” A classic. 💸🎭

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2025-09-24 13:17