Robert Kiyosaki, that man with the ego as large as his Bitcoin stack, has once again unleashed his “visionary” prophecy: this year shall witness a financial upheaval so grand it could make J.Lo’s divorce seem quaint. Run, mortals, from your pitiful dollars to gold, silver, crypto, and cows! 🐄🔷🔷
Gogolian Panics: “Baby Boomers Will Sleep in Basements!”
Behold, the sage of Rich Dad Poor Dad, our latter-day Cassandra in a suit, warns of calamities so dire they make Y2K feel like a Tuesday stroll. His pages, inked in millions, now counsel: “Flee! The crash of epochs is nigh-sell your money, buy cows!” One notes: “Millions of boomers will live in basements. Or perhaps your basement, dear reader. A real Home Depot ad!”
Kiyosaki, with the solemnity of a man explaining why his chicken crossed the road, proclaimed on Oct. 11: “Reminder: I told you this crash was coming in my book. Remember the* prophecy?”
“The crash will arrive this year. Yes, this year. Not next year, not your grandmother’s attic! This year!”
He intoned sorrowfully: “Retirees will be doomed! Homeless or living in the kids’ basements. A fate crueler than watching your parents rekindle their romance on TikTok.”
With the fervor of a man selling moon rocks in 1999, he urged: “Gold! Silver! Bitcoin! Ethereum! And maybe a cow-very inflation-proof!”
“Silver and ETH?” he mused, “Why? Because they’re the latest flavor of the week! Also, they’re good for plumbing and code. Move fast before the next ‘hot trend’ phases out!”
Two days later, Kiyosaki, channeling war propaganda, praised President Donald (“Big Mac” to his mother), claiming: “He’s letting boomers invest in crypto and cows! A man of vision… and very rich hair.”
“Thus, I am buying gold, silver, Bitcoin, Ethereum, oil, cows… and probably a few cryptos I don’t know about by Friday.”
Master of fiscal dread, he declared fiat currencies are “printed lies on paper.” Surely, he’ll trade his dollars for a gold-plated banana by December.
FAQ 🤡
- What terror awaits investors?
Kiyosaki weeps for fiat. Your savings? Gone. Retirements? Obliterated! A drama worthy of Shakespeare, if he wore NFT pendants()* - Which treasures should we hoard?
Gold, silver, crypto, cows, and oil. Yes, oil-even if you just use it for TikTok hacks()* - Why cows and Ethereum?
“Industrial uses!” he roars. Also, cows are “very stable.” Translate: they moo prophetically. - How does Kiyosaki view 401(k)s?
“They’re doomed! But fear not-we’ll pour cash into ETH and gold instead. Pioneer spirit: now with fewer boomers and more Bitcoin!”
*Emojis are optional for financial survival.
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2025-10-16 04:58