US Shutdown Farce: Crypto Wizards Conjure Bills While Rome Burns! 🚀💥

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Ah, the grand spectacle of American governance, dear reader, where the US bureaucracy stumbles into its third week of orchestrated hibernation, not unlike some hapless debutante at her ball. A Senate vote looms at 5:30 p.m. ET – the eleventh go at resurrection, no less – poised to revive the slumbering behemoth with a presidential flourish, or tumble back into deadlock’s dreary embrace. One wonders if these solons ever tire of their theatricals, or if they simply revel in the farce. 😂

Yet, amidst the gridlock, the legislative merry-go-round spins on. Wednesday brings a Democratic roundtable, a veritable salon of crypto titans from Coinbase, Kraken, Circle, Ripple and sundry other alchemists, convened under the baleful eye of Senator Kirsten Gillibrand to ponder the mythical market-structure bill. How quaint, this post-X insight from the indefatigable Eleanor Terret! 😏

This clandestine affair emerges as a retort to a counter-proposal from Democratic scribes, which detractors decry as a DeFi-killing scourge, eroding the bipartisan bonhomie of the House’s CLARITY Act from July’s gilded summer. Truly, the art of half-baked compromise in an age of digital mirages.

Such is the Senate’s ersatz echo of the CLARITY Act, that audacious bid to weave a federal tapestry around those elusive digital assets – durable as gossamer, I daresay.

The shutdown, commenced on Oct. 1 with the aplomb of a bad dinner party, now ranks as the third-longest in the annals of chronicles, lagging only the 1995 debacle and the 2018-2019 frolic. One supposes history will laud their indolence. 🙄

ETFs: The Eternal Lottery of Uncertainty

What promised to be a crescendo for US crypto exchange-traded funds has dissolved into the stagnations of official torpor. The Securities and Exchange Commission, that guardian of paper parades, labors with a skeleton crew, letting deadlines drift away like leaves in autumn. How utterly predictable, this bureaucratic siesta.

The inaugural stumbling block was Canary’s Litecoin ETF on Oct. 2, followed by Oct. 7’s decree from the sagacious Eric Balchunas that it, alongside Canary’s HBAR ETF, might be nigh on finalized – though the shutdown shrouds their debut in mystery, as one might expect from such charades. 💸

As that CryptoMoon so brightly reported, a veritable flotilla of 16 such funds navigates October’s treacherous waters: Solana, XRP, Dogecoin, Litecoin, and more. An additional 21 supplications stormed the SEC’s barricades in early October.

Nor must one forget the pendulous appeals for Solana- and Ethereum-infused ETFs, replete with staking artifices.

Enter the issuers: Bitwise, Fidelity, Franklin Templeton, CoinShares, Grayscale, Canary Capital, VanEck, all amending their S-1 scrolls to accommodate novel staking whims. In this carnival of capitalism, one pockets dreams while the world waits on tenterhooks. 🎪

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2025-10-20 21:52