Crypto: A Right Proper Mess 📈

So, one hears that SBI Digital Markets – a name that frankly requires a decoder ring – has decided to put all its eggs in the Chainlink basket. Apparently, a ten trillion yen house doesn’t trust its own custodians, and requires the assistance of a clever bit of code to move tokens about. All very modern, no doubt, but one does wonder if a signed IOU and a trustworthy chap wouldn’t have sufficed. Something about ‘secure transfers’ and ‘sensitive data.’ Oh, the drama! It’s all rather frightfully efficient, naturally, and will accelerate “onchain finance expansion across Asia and Europe.” I shudder to think what that entails. 🙄

XRP, that perennial underachiever, has experienced a brief moment of… well, not glory, exactly. More a mild improvement. A twelve percent bounce, prompted by the creation of a frankly alarming 21,595 new wallets. One suspects a great many of these will be promptly abandoned. Investors, it seems, are prone to optimism, despite all evidence to the contrary. It’s a delightful human failing. 😇

Coinbase, ever the responsible citizen, is lobbying the U.S. Treasury. A tiresome task, one imagines. They want clarity on this GENIUS Act business, and, rather sensibly, suggest that not everything should be subject to regulation. Open-source protocols, for example. The very notion! Of course, they also want to ensure that stablecoin issuers, and only stablecoin issuers, bear the brunt of the rules. Naturally. 🧐

Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs are experiencing something of a run, though in reverse. Outflows, you see. Six days running. One feels a slight sympathy, but only slight. Solana, however, is bucking the trend. Inflows! The vagaries of the market are, as ever, quite beyond comprehension. Investors, it appears, are captivated by ‘alternative layer-1 assets’. One fears the bubbles soon to inflate. 🎈

Apparently, something called ‘Momentum Token’ has briefly soared to dizzying heights – nearly ten dollars! – before tumbling back down to earth. A whale, or rather a collection of whales, moved $45 million to Binance. One shudders to think of the consequences. The whole affair smacks of the sort of speculation that keeps lawyers in business. 💸

The U.S. government, in its infinite wisdom, has managed to grind to a halt. Thirty-six days and counting! This, naturally, threatens to delay crypto market structure legislation. Though, frankly, one wonders if a delay is an entirely bad thing. Patrick Witt, whoever he is, remains optimistic. Industry experts, however, brace for further postponements. Oh, the futility. 🤦

Robinhood, that purveyor of gamified trading, is apparently thriving. Revenue has doubled, earnings are up, and crypto trading is up a rather remarkable 300%. One suspects a temporary state of affairs, but one should never underestimate the public’s appetite for a flutter. Particularly when offered on a mobile phone. 📱

Brad Garlinghouse, the CEO of Ripple, has given a speech. A ‘powerful’ speech, apparently. He believes Ripple is destined for greatness, with XRP at its core. One suspects a degree of self-promotion. But, then again, what CEO doesn’t enjoy a bit of self-promotion? One hopes reality will prove to be slightly less bombastic.

Evernorth, a name utterly unfamiliar to this correspondent, has acquired a further $214 million worth of XRP, bringing its total holdings to a staggering $1 billion. One can only assume they know something the rest of us don’t. Or, more likely, they’ve simply succumbed to the same irrational exuberance as everyone else.

BlackRock, that behemoth of finance, is dabbling with tokenization, using Securitize on the XRP Ledger. Trillions in value are about to move ‘on-chain,’ apparently. One suspects a carefully orchestrated PR exercise, but one mustn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s all frightfully modern, no doubt.

Brad Garlinghouse, still at it, is warning against the ‘growing political divide’ in crypto. ‘Technology should not be partisan,’ he declares. A perfectly reasonable sentiment, though one that is likely to fall on deaf ears. Regulation, he insists, should focus on ‘outcomes’. A sensible notion, if anyone is listening.

Ripple has secured a quite extravagant $500 million investment at a $40 billion valuation. Fortress Investment Group and Citadel Securities are the generous benefactors. A glut of statistics follow – payment volume, stablecoin market cap, acquisitions, regulatory licenses. One suspects a carefully curated narrative, designed to impress.

Ripple has partnered with Mastercard, WebBank, and Gemini. Another grand collaboration. They’re launching RLUSD-based settlement on the XRP Ledger, beginning with the Gemini XRP Credit Card. A move that will, apparently, revolutionize institutional payment efficiency. One doubts it will affect the price of tea in China. ☕