Once hailed as the digital Promised Land, Bitcoin’s corporate dominion has begun to crumble like stale bread in October’s icy winds. Michael Saylor’s empire, once the unrivaled tsar of BTC hoarders, now clutches its 640,808 coins like a paranoid oligarch, yet its grip has weakened. From 75% dominance to a measly 60%? How the mighty falter. 🚨
Behold the chaos: 14,447 BTC added in October, a “paltry offering” to the crypto gods compared to 2025’s grander feasts. Metaplanet, that audacious upstart, snatched 5,268 BTC and crowed its 30,823 stash from the fourth podium. Coinbase, ever the drama queen, declared, “We keep buying more!” as if confessing a guilty pleasure. 🧨
By October’s end, 353 entities played the crypto game-twice the January hopefuls. The U.S., a land of boundless ambition (or delusion?), led with 123 firms clutching BTC like talismans. Canada, the eternal sidekick, trailed at 43. The UK and Japan? Merely audience members applauding politely. 👏
Stock buybacks? Oh, the irony! Companies repurchased shares with the same fervor they mine crypto. Metaplanet’s $500M credit line for share buybacks: a masterclass in financial juggling. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s illiquid supply swells like a bloated corpse, with Fidelity solemnly intoning, “This is the new era.” 🕯️
“Bitcoin enters a new era,” Fidelity croons, as if announcing a messiah. Spoiler: 42% of BTC will be “illiquid” by 2032. Translation: HODLers will die with their wallets full, and their heirs will curse the blockchain. 🧛♂️
The Altcoin Carnival Arrives 🎪
Bitcoin’s treasury throne cracks as altcoins rise. ETH, once the awkward stepchild, now claims 15% of crypto treasury value. Solana? Still lurking at 2-3%, a patient vampire waiting for its bite. Bitmine, the ETH titan, hoards 3.5 million coins-nearly 3% of the supply. Are we all just characters in their blockchain novel? 📖
Sharplink Gaming, the ETH prodigy, vowed to deploy $200M onto Linea’s blockchain. Their goal? “Higher onchain yields.” Of course. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like betting corporate cash on a network named after a French adjective. 🎰
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2025-11-12 19:42