Kraken’s IPO: A Tragi-Comic Ballet of Coins and SEC Ticks 🐙💃

by

Behold! The illustrious Kraken, that noble beast of the crypto realm, hath submitted a Form S-1 to the SEC, as if to say, “Mon dieu, I shall now dance upon the public markets!” 🎭✨ Alas, the SEC, freshly scrubbed from its 43-day slumber (a government shutdown, quelle horreur!), now peers at this offering with the scrutiny of a Parisian fashion critic. 🕶️🔍

Though this is Kraken’s first grand bow toward an IPO, the company remains as silent as a monk in a monastery-nary a tweet, nary a press release. Last week, co-CEO Arjun Sethi declared, “We are not in a rush!” as if the stock market were a Sunday stroll in Versailles. 🐢👑 Rumors of an IPO since 2024? Merely whispers in the court of crypto, until this latest filing-voilà!-dons the crown of concrete action. 🤡👑

In this age of Trump’s triumphant return (or is it a tragicomedy?), crypto firms flock to the public stage like peasants to a royal ball. Bullish and Gemini, having pirouetted onto exchanges in August and September, now sip champagne while Circle raises $1 billion, as if money were confetti. 🎉💸

Yet Kraken, ever the showman, announces $800 million in fresh funds-Jane Street, DRW, and even Sethi’s family office (how domestic!)-to build its on-chain financial empire. A separate $200 million from Citadel Securities values Kraken at $20 billion, a number so large it makes a Frenchman gasp, “C’est incroyable!” 🤯💶

And lo! The exchange reports $1.5 billion in revenue for 2024-already surpassed in nine months of 2025. With funds flowing, Kraken shall expand to Latin America, Asia-Pacific, and EMEA, offering staking, payments, and tools so advanced, even Da Vinci would nod in approval. 🧠🌍

Earlier this year, Kraken acquired NinjaTrader for $1.5 billion-a bold move to conquer futures trading! Then came its regulated derivatives in Europe, all thanks to a Cyprus license (how mysterious!). In October, it swallowed the Small Exchange from IG Group, proving that size truly matters in the crypto world. 🐍🍴

Read More

2025-11-20 14:55