Crypto Bill: A Right Royal Mess! 🙄

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One gathers, from the distressed twitterings of the American financial demi-monde, that a spot of bother has arisen concerning these “digital assets.” It appears Mr. Brian Armstrong of Coinbase and Mr. Tim Draper, a venture capitalist of some standing (though one wonders where this ‘venture’ is precisely headed), are united in their disapproval of a Senate compromise – a rather pathetic attempt, it seems, to impose order on the chaos. They warn, with commendable hyperbole, of curtailed innovation, compromised privacy, and a general weakening of American supremacy in the field. One shudders to think what the Swiss might do with such freedom.

Armstrong and Draper: A Most Unlikely Alliance Against Regulatory Folly

Mr. Armstrong, ever the man of action (and the social media posting), has declared on X – a platform one continues to avoid – his utter dissatisfaction with the Senate Banking Committee’s draft. It appears the proposal, in his estimation, threatens the entire edifice of tokenization, decentralized finance (whatever that is), and even those curious entities known as stablecoins. And all this, naturally, while eroding the long-held, and frankly rather tiresome, notion of financial privacy. 🧐

The CEO pronounced:

“After reviewing the Senate Banking draft text over the last 48hrs, Coinbase unfortunately can’t support the bill as written.”

He elaborated, in a manner befitting a man wrestling with existential dread, describing a “de facto ban on tokenized equities” and “DeFi prohibitions,” coupled with the rather alarming prospect of the government having unlimited access to one’s pecuniary affairs. One pictures a clerk in Washington, utterly bemused by the sums involved. He further bemoaned the potential for the CFTC to be entirely subsumed by the SEC – a bureaucratic turf war of the most depressing sort. And, as if all this were not enough, the bill threatens to stymie the rewards offered on stablecoins, leaving banks free to crush their competition. How frightfully uncivilized.

In a spirit of unwavering optimism, Mr. Armstrong concluded that he would “rather have no bill than a bad bill,” adding, with a touch of dramatic flair, that he would “keep fighting for all Americans and for economic freedom.” One suspects the ‘economic freedom’ is largely that of his shareholders. He decided to remain hopeful about negotiations: “I’m actually quite optimistic that we will get to the right outcome with continued effort. We will keep showing up and working with everyone to get there.”

But the lamentations did not end there. Mr. Tim Draper, a man frequently seen championing lost causes, lent his voice to the chorus of dissent.

“Brian Armstrong makes sense here. The current Senate compromise is worse than no bill at all. Sounds like the banks have been meddling.”

The general air, one gathers, is that stringent regulations will stifle innovation and curtail consumer choice. Those who dabble in blockchain-based finance insist a ‘balanced’ approach is required – though what constitutes ‘balanced’ is, of course, open to interpretation. And one rather doubts there will be any balanced approaches in Washington. The whole affair strikes one as a rather vulgar display of special pleading, conducted with the earnestness of a temperance meeting. 🍸

FAQ ⏰

  • Why is Coinbase so put out by this draft?
    Apparently it restricts various complicated things like tokenization, DeFi, stablecoins, and – most tragically – one’s right to not have one’s finances scrutinized.
  • What’s this about tokenized equities?
    Mr. Armstrong warns of a complete prohibition. One imagines the outcry amongst the cognoscenti.
  • And the regulatory agencies?
    The CFTC may be bullied by the SEC. A most unsavory prospect, and one that doubtless involves much paperwork.
  • What about the stablecoins?
    Their rewards, it seems, are under threat. A blow to the entire system, naturally.

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2026-01-16 03:09