Bitcoin & Stocks: The Great 2026 Faceplant

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Key Highlights (Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Meltdown?)

  • Bitcoin’s Big Oops: Fell below $88k, wiping out 2026 gains faster than a Liz Lemon diet. $1.8B liquidated in 48 hours-someone call the financial fire department!
  • Crypto & Stocks in a Group Hug: Crypto lost $225B, while US stocks said “hold my beer” and plunged $1.3T in one day. It’s like a bad breakup, but with more zeros.
  • Trump & Japan Bonds: Tariffs on Europe and Japan’s bond market having a midlife crisis-because markets love a good existential freakout.

In a plot twist worthy of a bad rom-com, a “risk-off” wave swept through markets like a bossy network exec, erasing $1.8B in crypto liquidations and $1.3T in US equities in 48 hours. Wall Street dubbed it the “Sell America” trade, thanks to Trump’s 10% tariff tantrum over Greenland (because who doesn’t want a frozen island?) and Japan’s bond market deciding to go full drama queen.

Bitcoin, once the cool kid at the party, slipped below $88k for the first time in 2026. Investors fled to gold like it was the last slice of pizza, pushing it toward $4,700 per ounce. Meanwhile, 93% of liquidated crypto positions were long-traders betting on prices rising. Oopsie.

According to CoinMarketCap, Bitcoin was down 2.3% in 24 hours, trading near $89,473. It’s now 10% below its recent high and below its 50-day moving average. Traders are watching like it’s the season finale of a show they hate-watch.

Tech Stocks: The $1.3T Pity Party

The sell-off didn’t stop at crypto. On January 20, US stocks had their worst day since last October, with the S&P 500 down 2.1%, Nasdaq down 2.4%, and Dow Jones down 1.8%. Tech stocks like Nvidia and Apple tanked harder than a Jenna Maroney ego trip. Traders blamed trade tensions and a tighter financial environment-basically, adulting gone wrong.

Trump’s tariffs on Denmark, the UK, France, and Germany (because Greenland wasn’t enough drama) rattled markets. European leaders clapped back, threatening countermeasures. Another global trade war? Pass the popcorn.

Japan’s Bond Market: The Avalanche No One Saw Coming

While tariffs stole the headlines, macro analysts pointed to Japan’s bond market having a full-on meltdown. Japan’s 10-year bond yield surged to 1.86%, and 30-year yields hit levels not seen since 1999. US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said, “It’s Japan’s fault, not Greenland’s.” Thanks, Scott. Very helpful.

The turmoil in Japan’s bonds spilled over into global markets, affecting stocks and crypto alike. Meanwhile, gold kept winning, because apparently it’s the only adult in the room.

Gold vs. Bitcoin: The Safe Haven Smackdown

The 48-hour crash reignited the “Is Bitcoin Digital Gold?” debate. Spoiler: It’s not. While Bitcoin dropped 10% from its $98k high, gold surged to nearly $4,700 per ounce. Gold’s up 41% since mid-2025, proving it’s the emotional support asset we all need.

Bitcoin, meanwhile, is acting like the risky ex you should’ve dumped years ago. Its “digital gold” image is taking a beating as investors flee to safer assets. Moral of the story? Sometimes the shiny new thing is just a shiny new thing.

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2026-01-21 11:16