The Great Crypto Panic: A Whale’s Tale of Loss, Insider Secrets, and Confusing Moves

by

Imagine if you will, a mysterious figure known only as the “Trump Insider Whale,” who was apparently swimming in the high-stakes waters of cryptocurrency. One day, this colossal marine mammal of market manipulation-also called BitcoinOG (or “That Guy Who Slightly Overreacts”)-decided, after much internal debate (or perhaps a chance encounter with a very sharp pencil), to throw in the towel on Bitcoin BTC $88,080 and Ethereum ETH $2,924 long positions. This generous gesture of market wisdom resulted in an incredible $10 million in losses, proving once again that whales are just big fish with expensive taste and bad judgment.

Details, as relayed by the all-knowing oracle of onchain data, Lookonchain, tell us that our “insider” hero closed a staggering 427.29 BTC worth $37.5 million and a mere 30,588 ETH valued at $88.63 million. All this, mind you, on a day when the market thought it would be fun to pull a fast one on everyone. The coup de grace: a withdrawal of 20 million USDC from Hyperliquid to Binance, as if he was just popping out for a quick coffee (which he was, probably to drown his sorrows).

This #BitcoinOG(1011short) has capitulated and cut his losses.

He closed 427.29 $BTC($37.5M) and 30,588 $ETH($88.63M) positions, taking a $9.73M loss.

He then withdrew 20M $USDC from #Hyperliquid and deposited it into #Binance.

– Lookonchain (@lookonchain) January 26, 2026

Yet, despite this epic sell-off, our mysterious friend still has open positions valued at nearly $160 million-so much for being fully out of the game. According to HyperDash (which is basically the crystal ball of crypto), there are unrealized losses over $50 million lurking in the shadows, while the real cash figure (the “realized PnL”) stands at a modest $31 million-a number that likely sounds like a misprint or a typo in an accountant’s coffee-stained notebook.

0xb317d2bc2d3d2df5fa441b5bae0ab9d8b07283ae (BitcoinOG) position on Hyperliquid as of Jan. 26, 2026 | Source: HyperDash

The Curious Case of the “Trump Insider Whale”

This aquatic mystery surfaced on the onchain radar following the Great October Market Slip (or “How to Unnecessarily Wreck Your Portfolio in Two Days”). Analysts noted that this account had previously demonstrated an uncanny ability to short Bitcoin just before its precipitous fall-raising eyebrows, scratching heads, and possibly breaking a few braids of suspicion about insider info. Arkham Intelligence, the blockchain’s equivalent of a very nosy neighbor, dubbed him “Trump Insider Whale,” which is apparently the crypto world’s polite way of saying “We know you cheated, but can’t prove it yet.”

BREAKING: TRUMP INSIDER WHALE IS NOW SHORT $340M $BTC

The HyperUnit Bear Whale who shorted $700M of $BTC and $350M of $ETH right before Friday’s market crash (making ~$200M total) just deposited $40M USDC to HL and shorted another $127M $BTC.

He is now short $300M $BTC and has…

– Arkham (@arkham) October 13, 2025

Later, this very same whale decided, perhaps out of boredom, to add a further $140 million to his short position-like buying more popcorn for the watching crowd-and then, in a stunning plot twist, turned bullish again. Opening huge long positions on Bitcoin and Ethereum, he now teeters on the brink of either genius or complete market madness. Clearly, this is a creature of habit, oscillating between confidence and despair faster than a squirrel on espresso.

In conclusion, dear reader, this recent flip-flopping from our marine mammal suggests a cautious approach rather than outright doom-and possibly a desire not to drown in his own losses. The market keeps a keen eye on this particular whale, watching whether it sinks deeper or surfaces with a new story to tell. Either way, it’s the stuff of crypto legend-completely unpredictable, slightly ridiculous, and altogether entertaining.

Read More

2026-01-27 02:09