3 Altcoins To Watch If Bitcoin Drops Under $80,000

Hold onto your wallets because Zcash is one of the few shiny spots in this crypto disaster zone. With charts that actually look… stable (what a concept!), ZEC has a juicy -0.87 correlation with Bitcoin. Translation? ZEC tends to go up when Bitcoin goes down. Take that, Bitcoin.

Crypto’s Great Crash: $2B Vanishes in 24 Hours 🚀💸

Bitcoin, that old grifter with a grin, accounted for half the carnage, leaving longs-those fools who bet on sunshine-scrambling like gophers with their holes collapsing. Shorts? They just stood there, smug as a cat in a sunbeam, pocketing $129.3 million while the rest of us wept into our coffee.

Bitcoin’s Great Plunge: $2B Gone & Whales Doing the Macarena 💃🐋

Coinglass, our modern-day Cassandra, reports that $1B of this carnage occurred in the last hour alone. One imagines traders clutching pearls and muttering “not again” as the charts turned blood-red. Meanwhile, the average BTC ETF investor-bless their optimistic hearts-is currently marinating in losses like a particularly soggy crumpet.