Trump’s Epic Fury Sends Bitcoin Tumbling: Oil Laughs in $100 Bills

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Well, butter my bitcoin, looks like the magical internet money is having a bit of a wobble, drifting closer to the $65,000 support zone like a wizard who’s lost his staff. All thanks to everyone’s favorite reality show host, Donald Trump, who’s decided that “Operation Epic Fury” isn’t just a name for his next golf course but a real thing happening in the Middle East. Who knew?

  • Bitcoin took a tumble toward $65,000 after Trump announced he’s still got a few more episodes of “Bombing Bad” left to air.
  • Oil prices, meanwhile, are having a grand old time, climbing back above $100 because nothing says “stability” like a good old-fashioned geopolitical spat.

Trump, addressing the nation from the White House (or was it Mar-a-Lago? Hard to keep track these days), declared that U.S. forces are in the final stages of “Operation Epic Fury,” which has apparently left Iran’s nuclear and naval infrastructure looking like a Discworld tavern after a bar fight. Still, he promised to “hit them extremely hard over the next 2 to 3 weeks,” because nothing says diplomacy like a good threat.

Markets, being the drama queens they are, reacted faster than a witch on a broomstick. Oil prices shot back above $100, because apparently, the Strait of Hormuz is now the world’s most expensive toll road. Equities and digital assets, meanwhile, took a nosedive, because who needs stability when you can have chaos?

Bitcoin, which had been pretending to be a grown-up asset earlier in the week, promptly threw a tantrum, dropping over 2% since Trump opened his mouth. At last check, it was hovering just above $66,500, with buyers desperately trying to hold the $65,000 line like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party.

If Bitcoin breaks below that, it’s looking at a date with the $60,000 range, which is about as appealing as a dinner invitation from the Auditors. Market participants are treating this like a cliffhanger in a bad novel: will the downside momentum stall, or will it accelerate faster than a troll on a unicycle?

Bitcoin Could Bounce Back If Trump Finds the Off Button

Of course, it’s not all doom and gloom. Diplomatic channels are still open, sort of, like a door that’s been left ajar but no one’s quite sure if anyone’s home. Trump’s acknowledged that talks are ongoing, even as the bombs keep dropping. Washington wants Iran to dismantle its nuclear program and play nice, while Tehran wants a ceasefire, compensation, and for the U.S. to take a long walk off a short pier.

Trump, ever the optimist, reckons the disruption to global energy flows won’t last forever. “When this conflict is over, the strait will open up naturally,” he said, presumably while crossing his fingers behind his back. Oil will flow, gas prices will drop, and the world will go back to pretending everything’s fine.

If tensions actually ease, risk assets like Bitcoin might catch a break, because nothing says “relief” like lower energy costs and fewer headlines about bombs. Until then, markets are as twitchy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, with crypto trading tied to oil prices like a bad sitcom marriage.

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2026-04-02 09:08