$2.6 Billion? Saylor's Bitcoin Shocker is Unbelievable! 😲

Oh, Michael Saylor’s at it again! You know, the guy who’s made Bitcoin the center of his universe. Co-founder of “Strategy” (formerly MicroStrategy, because why not confuse people?) and its executive chairman, he’s over on X (formerly Twitter—what’s with renaming everything these days?) bragging up a storm. And guess what? He’s claiming a massive $2.6 billion Bitcoin gain in just January and February of 2025. Yeah, sure. Why not? 👏👏

Apparently, Saylor is thrilled that last year’s gains were SIX TIMES bigger than this year. Oh, must be nice to casually drop numbers like $13.1 billion in gains for 2024, isn’t it? Just pocket change for good ol’ Michael. Here’s the kicker: all this with 140,538 Bitcoin. Unreal, right? It’s just numbers on a spreadsheet at this point. Probably makes Monopoly money look legit. 😒

And Look, There’s a Table… Because We All Love Numbers 📊

So, in a very Saylor-esque fashion, Mr. Bitcoin Cheerleader shares this table like it’s a trophy. Apparently, they made the shareholders $2.6 billion richer in the first two months of 2025 (30,702 Bitcoin for anyone keeping score). Feel better about that coffee you splurged on? No? Same here.

Last year, @Strategy delivered a BTC $ Gain of $13.1 billion (140,538 BTC). In the first two months of 2025, we have achieved a BTC $ Gain of $2.6 billion (30,702 BTC).

— Michael Saylor⚡️ (@saylor) March 1, 2025

And oh, this is rich: Strategy now owns over 499,000 Bitcoins. Who needs low goals anyway? Saylor’s already eyeing that 500,000 BTC milestone. You know, because a half-million Bitcoins is so relatable to all of us scraping by on normal lives.

Bitcoin Bounces around Like a Yo-Yo, but No One Really Panics Because Why Would You? 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s doing its thing—dropping, recovering, dropping again. Typical. Last Friday, Bitcoin fell from $86,625 below $79,000. It’s now clawed its way back to $85,300. I mean, if your bank account got this volatile, wouldn’t you call the authorities? But no, in Bitcoin world, people call it “a bullish cycle.” Sure. Very reassuring. 👍

Fun fact: in one week alone, Bitcoin plummeted over 20%, losing almost $100K. Why? Oh, because the U.S. president decided to slap tariffs on Mexico and Canada starting March 4. Logical. Nothing says “stable asset” like wild reactions to government policies on avocados and maple syrup. 🥑🍁

And then there’s Saylor, dropping this pearl of wisdom: “Sell a kidney if you must, but keep the Bitcoin.” Brilliant financial advice, Michael. What’s next—raffle off a lung while you’re at it? 😜

Meanwhile, Kiyosaki’s Back with His Hot Takes 🔥

In other news, Robert Kiyosaki, the “Rich Dad Poor Dad” guy, chimed in to say Bitcoin “might be a scam.” Ha! But wait, he also called the U.S. dollar and the Federal Reserve even bigger scams. Oh, and he referred to the Fed as a “criminal enterprise” while suggesting they should head straight to jail. Monopoly jail maybe? 🚓

Kiyosaki clearly loves a dramatic prediction, warning once again about a financial system meltdown. His advice? Run to Bitcoin, gold, and silver like your life depends on it. But if you’re thinking of investing in Bitcoin ETFs, don’t bother. He calls them—you’re going to love this—“bankster’s money.” Someone hand this guy a podcast. 🎙️

2025-03-01 23:20

$2.6 Billion? Saylor’s Bitcoin Shocker is Unbelievable! 😲

And Look, There’s a Table… Because We All Love Numbers 📊

Bitcoin Bounces around Like a Yo-Yo, but No One Really Panics Because Why Would You? 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, Kiyosaki’s Back with His Hot Takes 🔥

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