In a most curious development that could make the good citizens of the United States both astonished and confused, President Donald Trump – yes, the very same whose hair defies the laws of physics – declared on a rather exciting Sunday the birth of a “Crypto Strategic Reserve.” One wonders if this has anything to do with the last time he claimed to have made a ‘huge deal,’ but I digress.
The ‘Crypto Capital Of The World’
This initiative, articulated with the finesse of a politician wielding a sledgehammer, aims to harness the power of cryptocurrencies like XRP, Solana (which, surprisingly, does not refer to a new Spanish dance), and Cardano. “A U.S. Crypto Reserve will elevate this critical industry after years of corrupt attacks by the Biden Administration,” proclaimed Trump in a characteristically grandiloquent tweet, no doubt while perched upon his trusty golden toilet throne.
He boldly asserted his intention to transform America into the “Crypto Capital of the World,” reminding everyone that he promises, oh how he promises, much like the kid who swears he’s never cheated at Monopoly. This revelation follows his earlier executive order with the eye-catching title of “Strengthening American Leadership in Digital Financial Technology,” a document that somehow seemed just a tad less thrilling than the one signed to declare Fridays as ‘National Pizza Day.’
While the first executive order was clear: ‘no central bank digital currency allowed, folks!’ it stopped short of establishing an actual Crypto Reserve. Instead, it called for further investigation on whether such a reserve could exist without spontaneously combusting upon contact with reality.
Lummis Champions Bitcoin Reserve
Now, entering the circus ring is Senator Cynthia Lummis from Wyoming, who seems to have taken a particular shine to Bitcoin, claiming it deserves its moment in the spotlight, much like a 19th-century Russian serf yearning for respectability. She has proposed a bill that would have the nation acquire a staggering 1 million Bitcoins – a number that sounds almost as ridiculous as the claims made about a certain golden tower in New York City.
At a conference recently hosted by crypto influencer Anthony Pompliano, Lummis, in an ambitious yet utterly unconvincing manner, acknowledged that while her bill is making seemingly glacially slow progress, a state might beat the federal government to the finish line in establishing a Bitcoin reserve. It’s so heartwarming to imagine state governments becoming the avant-garde rebels of the cryptocurrency world—like hipsters in a coffee shop philosophizing about blockchain.
“States are incubators of innovation,” she proclaimed, as if borrowing from a tech startup’s manifesto. One can only wonder if they incubate bad ideas, too.
Meanwhile, in this thrilling saga, XRP, SOL, and ADA have taken the market by storm, soaring in value like a crow that mistakenly believes it’s an eagle. XRP is now frolicking at $2.88, a jump of nearly 30% in just an hour! Solana has joined the party, rising 20% to perch above the $170 mark like an overly proud peacock.
But the true champion, ladies and gentlemen, is Cardano, which has seen a staggering 52% surge, approaching the glittering $1 mark! As of this writing, ADA is a tantalizing $0.98. Truly, the heights of folly and exuberance reach new peaks!
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2025-03-02 20:28