Senator Kennedy’s Ninja Moves on SEC Chairman

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In a display of senatorial agility, the esteemed John Kennedy of Louisiana vowed to treat incoming SEC Chairman Paul Atkins to a ‘ninja-style’ inquisition if he dared neglect the investigation of the learned parents of the beleaguered Sam Bankman-Fried. 🥷

It seems the good senator from Louisiana has grown weary of the SEC’s apparent lethargy in the face of potential scholarly mischief. “Every committee appearance,” he declared with a gleam in his eye, “shall be a dance of shadows and questions!”

President Trump’s chosen one, Atkins, found himself not just nominated but nominated for a grilling, all under the watchful eye of Senator Tim Scott and his Banking Committee.

(Barbara Fried and Alan Joseph Bankman / Stanford Law) – The dynamic duo of academia under the magnifying glass.

In a tale as old as time, Bankman and Fried, the erudite parents of the crypto colossus, stand accused of enjoying the fruits of their son’s… let’s call them ‘enterprising’ endeavors. A mansion, cash, and donations galore are the bones of contention here.

“This action,” the complaint reads, “is like a child reclaiming toys from naughty parents.” Bankman and Fried, however, are no mere spectators in this game of legal chess, having moved to dismiss the allegations with a swift knight to E5.

“Crooks in the classroom,” Kennedy roared, his voice echoing through the halls of justice, or at least the Senate chambers. “The SEC must unsheathe its regulatory sword!”

Atkins, ever the composed gentleman, acknowledged the gravity of the situation with a nod and a furrowed brow. “Concerned, yes,” he murmured, “but let’s not draw conclusions before our investigation dons its detective’s cap.”

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2025-03-28 02:27