Geopolitics Trump Crypto: A Saga of Macro Drama

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From Saylor’s play-money Bitcoin splurge to Ripple‘s “we’re free” parade, and Solana’s epic self-own, crypto headlines last week were like extras in a blockbuster of inflation, war, and—oh joy—a global liquidity pivot. 🎉

This little editorial delight is straight from last week’s episode of the Week in Review newsletter. Go ahead, subscribe now—you’ll have something to read while pretending to care about your coworkers’ weekend plans.

Crypto: Not Even the Main Character This Week 🎭

Right, so let’s start with the obvious: Crypto was demoted to the back seat this week, staring out the window while the adults (macroeconomics and geopolitics) did the real driving. Buckle up, kids.

The Federal Reserve decided to keep rates steady, like that one friend who says they’re “fine” when they’re clearly not. They also turned down the liquidity vacuum a bit, which basically means they’re clinging to assets like they’re Marie Kondo-ing their way out of quantitative tightening (QT). And no, this doesn’t mean we’re jumping to quantitative easing (QE) just yet—it’s more of a “maybe I’ll text QE at 2 AM” vibe.

Meanwhile, gold strutted onto the scene like Beyoncé in a world gone haywire, hitting all-time highs. Why? Because inflation, Middle East conflicts (Iran doing Iran things), and, oh yeah, your good friend Trump doing his tariff dance with everyone from frenemies to “Wait, I thought they hated us?” Russia and Ukraine are still negotiating like high schoolers trading drama-filled notes in detention. Fun times.

(Obligatory ad break: If you don’t see a banner here selling dubious investment strategies, count yourself lucky. 🤷‍♀️)

Crypto Headlines: Weird, Small, but Entertaining

Let’s talk about what happened in crypto, because, surprisingly, it involved people being people—and by “people,” we mean overly wealthy and weirdly oblivious. Michael Saylor (king of hodl and questionable PR timing) bought some Bitcoin—$10.7 million of it, which is like throwing pennies into Scrooge McDuck’s vault. Crypto Twitter (CT) ripped him apart faster than a discount Black Friday TV deal. His clapback? Announcing a 5-million-share stock offering the very next day. Oh, Michael. Sweetheart. Stop trying to make “hustle flex” happen. It’s not happening.

On Wednesday, the SEC finally waved a white flag and dropped their lawsuit against Ripple. Ripple’s CEO, Brad Garlinghouse, practically cartwheeled into Twitter (or “X”…sarcasm reserved) to tell us the good news. Does this mean an XRP spot ETF is coming soon? Probably. Does anyone even care anymore? Jury’s out.

And now for the pièce de résistance: Solana’s attempt at advertising. Oh, Solana. You adorable, try-hard rascal. Their latest ad was so painfully cringey, it made TikTok influencers look like Shakespeare. The backlash was so fierce, they deleted it faster than you can say “bad decisions.” But, of course, it lives on forever here, because the internet is the gift that keeps on giving. Bonus: A16z dropped a separate ad the next day with the same vibe but skipped the “boomer-woke” nonsense. Riveting stuff.

And there you have it. Crypto doing its best to keep up while macro and geopolitics throw around their heavyweights. Tune in next week—maybe Solana will release another tragic ad? One can only hope. 👀

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2025-03-31 08:00