Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: Tariffs, Tumbles, and a Touch of Humor! 😂💰

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What to know:

  • In the early hours of a Monday that felt like a Monday, Bitcoin‘s value slipped to just over $81,500. Meanwhile, XRP, Cardano’s ADA, Solana’s SOL, dogecoin (DOGE), and ether (ETH) decided to join the pity party, all experiencing losses. 🎢
  • Stock markets, like a sad puppy, opened lower for the fourth day in a row, all because folks are holding their breath for President Trump’s big reveal of new tariffs on April 2. Spoiler alert: it’s probably not a surprise party. 🎉
  • Safe-haven assets like gold are shining brighter than a new penny, reaching an all-time high, while U.S. Treasury yields took a nosedive as portfolio managers globally adopt strategies that scream, “Let’s play it safe!” in light of the looming tariff storm. ⛈️

Bitcoin (BTC) traders found themselves hovering just above $81,500 this Monday morning, as a weekend slide left major tokens gasping for breath after last week’s brief rally. It’s like watching a balloon slowly deflate. 🎈

XRP and Cardano’s ADA led the charge into the red, with a 5% drop in the past 24 hours. Solana’s SOL, dogecoin (DOGE), and ether (ETH) followed suit, down between 2-3%. It’s a real race to the bottom! 🏁

The CoinDesk 20, a measure of the performance of the largest digital assets, is down 2.6%. It’s like a bad day at the office for cryptocurrencies. 📉

Weekly inflows to the BTC ETF wrapped up last week at a respectable $196 million, according to SoSoValue, while ETH ETFs had a net outflow of just over $8 million. It’s like watching a game of musical chairs, but with money! 💸

Stock markets opened lower again on Monday, marking their fourth consecutive day of decline. Investors worldwide are bracing for Trump’s tariff announcement, fearing the economic fallout of a global trade war. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the shoe is a heavy boot! 👢

Hong Kong’s Hang Seng index was down 1.7% in the morning session, while the Nikkei 225 took a 3.8% hit, and Korea’s KOPSI index was down by 3%. Export-heavy economies are sweating bullets over market access to the U.S. It’s a real nail-biter! 😬

Futures for U.S. and European stock indexes also fell. Meanwhile, safe-haven assets like gold are basking in the glory of an all-time high, and U.S. Treasury yields dropped due to increased demand. It’s a wild world out there! 🌍

Globally, portfolio managers are adopting cautious strategies, either reducing risk or avoiding large investments, all while feeling a bit uneasy about the impending “reciprocal tariffs” and their potential economic toll. It’s like tiptoeing through a minefield! 💣

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2025-03-31 08:12