Why Tether’s New Stablecoin Strategy is Like a Trip to the DMV: Painful Yet Necessary

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So, the U.S. SEC has decided to play the role of the benevolent overlord in the crypto world, and we’re all supposed to throw our hands up in resignation and cheer. In a turn of events that can only be described as “What took you so long?” the SEC has just declared that certain stablecoins, the ones now cleverly dubbed “covered stablecoins,” may not be securities—provided they fulfill a list of requirements that make a college application look like a pop quiz. 😒

Tether, in a move that might come as a surprise to absolutely no one, is reportedly reconsidering its entire approach. I mean, who wouldn’t want to align themselves with the SEC’s vague, ever-shifting guidelines? It’s like trying to find your way through a corn maze while blindfolded. 🌽

“Covered Stablecoins are not marketed as investments; rather, they are marketed as a stable, quick, reliable and accessible means of transferring value, or storing value and not for potential profit or as investments,” saith the SEC, in a statement that sounds like something a used car salesman would say during a rough week. 🚗

To qualify as a so-called covered stablecoin, it must meet certain criteria—like being 1:1 backed by U.S. dollars, which basically makes it a digital version of Monopoly money, minus the fun of getting sent to jail. Also, no profits, no interests, and definitely no owning any piece of the pie. Just payments and value storage. 🍰

In a rare instance of uncharacteristic clarity, the SEC’s declaration appears to simplify what was once a labyrinthine disaster of legal jargon. Who knew they had it in them? This is like waking up one morning to find your cat has finally decided to use the litter box. 👏

Mixed Reactions

David Sacks, the White House crypto advisor (because apparently, that’s a thing now), applauded the SEC’s move. He touted it as “a long-overdue clarity” which basically means “hello, fewer hoops to jump through.” However, SEC Commissioner Caroline Crenshaw jumped in like a kid on Christmas morning, cautioning that this oversimplifies everything and might just unleash a Pandora’s box of legal nightmares. 🎁

SEC Rules Boost USDC but Put Pressure on USDT

In the game of stablecoins, the new guidelines are great for USDC and as effective as a wet noodle for Tether’s USDT. That’s right; Tether is in a bit of a pickle because it turns out that crypto and gold aren’t ‘low-risk, highly liquid assets’ in the eyes of the SEC. Who knew? 🤔

Nina Bambysheva from Forbes reported that Tether is contemplating a fresh, shiny stablecoin that would be strictly compliant with U.S. regulations. It’ll be backed solely by cash and U.S. Treasuries, which is just like Tether’s old plan but with less sparkle. 💸

Tether is considering the development of a stablecoin tailored for the U.S. market and intends to launch a competitor to ChatGPT within the next few months, @paoloardoino tells me. More to come soon

— Nina Bambysheva (@ninabambysheva) April 4, 2025

But hold your horses (or crypto), because analyst Novacula Occami has pointed out that Tether’s fondness for Bitcoin and gold might just kick USDT to the curb and into the “not a covered stablecoin” category. Can’t say I’m surprised—the SEC likes to keep things spicy. 🌶️

Tether CEO Not Too Concerned Over Potential US Ban

In a twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, Tether’s CTO Paolo Ardoino seems completely unfazed by the possibility of a U.S. ban on USDT. It’s as if he believes that forming a new U.S.-based stablecoin is just a casual stroll in the park and not a blind date with disaster. 🚶‍♂️

Adorably, he insists that USDT is perfect for emerging markets while simultaneously cooking up plans for a U.S. version. Because nothing says “stable” like completely overhauling your entire business model, right? 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, even with the broader crypto market navigating more ups and downs than a teenager on a rollercoaster, stablecoins are growing like weeds. Despite the chaos, they’re attracting daily users faster than you can say “Bitcoin boom.” In the first quarter alone, the stablecoin market expanded by over $30 billion, proving once again that people will find a way to make their digital dollars work for them – even if it means putting their faith in something called ‘stable’. 🙃

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2025-04-05 16:08