Crypto Bleeds! Tariffs to Blame? 😱

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The wind howled a mournful tune last week, same as always, and the digital dust devils danced across the barren plains of crypto-land. Seems a hefty $240 million vanished quicker than a promise from a politician. They say it was them trade tariffs, them dang tariffs, makin’ folks nervous ’bout the whole shebang, the economic pie, and whether they’d get a slice or just crumbs.

But hold on now, don’t go sellin’ the farm just yet. Them big-wigs over at CoinShares, they’re scratchin’ their heads and sayin’ things ain’t as bad as they look. Assets, they mostly stayed put, a measly 0.8% tick upwards. “Impressive,” they called it. Like a rusty old jalopy still chuggin’ along while them fancy foreign cars are fallin’ apart. MSCI World equities took a nosedive of 8.5%, so maybe these digital coins ain’t so worthless after all. Maybe. 🤷‍♂️

Now, most of that outflow, that great digital exodus, it came from Bitcoin. A whopping $207 million hightailed it outta there faster than a jackrabbit in a dust storm. Leaves them year-to-date inflows lookin’ a little less shiny. But don’t worry, still over a Billion greenbacks. 🤑

The short-Bitcoin folks? Well, they were grinnin’ like a dog with two tails, saw $2.8 million roll in. Altcoins, they were all over the map. Ethereum, she lost $37.7 million, poor girl. Solana and Sui, they weren’t far behind, leakin’ $1.8 million and $4.7 million, respectively. Seems like everyone’s got an opinion, and most of ’em ain’t good. 🙄

But then there’s XRP, struttin’ around like a rooster, seein’ $4.5 million come its way. Multi-asset products, they got a bit of love too, $1.4 million. And Toncoin, well, that’s just some kinda fancy, “esoteric” thing the city folk are playin’ with, snagged $1.1 million. Who knows what that’s all about? 🤷‍♀️

Them blockchain equities, they’re gettin’ a second look, though. Folks thinkin’ the price is low, so they’re scoopin’ ’em up. $8 million came in for the second week runnin’. Cheap is cheap, and folks always love a bargain, even if it’s just a fool’s errand. 😂

Them Americans and Germans, they were runnin’ for the hills, pullin’ out $210 million and $17.7 million, respectively. Switzerland and Sweden, they weren’t far behind, takin’ their marbles and goin’ home. 🏃‍♂️

But them Canadians, bless their hearts, they saw it all as a chance to buy low. $4.8 million flowed in from up north. Brazil and Hong Kong, they were a little more cautious, just dippin’ their toes in the water. Australia, well, they just threw in a few shrimp on the barbie for good measure. 🤷

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2025-04-08 06:31