🤯Trump Did WHAT?! Crypto Goes Bonkers!🤯

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Right then, after the fellow with the unusual hair (Trump, they call him) decided to have a bit of a sit-down on the tariff front – 90 days, mark you, which in market time is roughly equivalent to a geological epoch – the crypto-wotsits went into a positive frenzy. Bitcoin, bless its little digital heart, clawed its way back to the dizzying heights of $80K. One wonders if it stopped for a cup of tea and a biscuit on the way up.🍵

XRP and Ether, the flashy show-offs, led the charge with a whopping 12% jump. Cardano, BNB, SOL, and even DOGE (yes, the one with the dog) all piled on, racking up gains of up to 10%. The entire market cap, that’s the whole shebang, inflated by a respectable 6%. One might almost think someone had let off a celebratory firework.🎆

Markets Recover… Mostly

Crypto futures, those speculative beasties, saw a good $350 million worth of short positions get liquidated. Which, translated into plain English, means a lot of people who bet the market would go down had a rather unpleasant surprise. Serves ’em right, probably. This little kerfuffle did help the market bounce back from earlier in the week when Bitcoin had a bit of a wobble down to $75,000. Such liquidations, you see, can be a buying opportunity. Or so they say. It’s all witchcraft, really.🔮

This sudden burst of enthusiasm comes after Trump (him again!) pressed the pause button on steeper tariffs for everyone except China. Apparently, he “authorized a 90-day PAUSE, and a substantially lowered Reciprocal Tariff during this period, of 10%, also effective immediately.” All this via the medium of something called “Truth Social.” One shudders to think.😱 And after the pause ends, the tariffs on China are set to rocket to 125%. Blimey.

Biggest Surge Since… Well, Quite A While

This tariff-tango triggered the biggest surge in US stock since 2008. The S&P 500 jumped 9.5%, and the Nasdaq soared 12%, dragging the markets out of the doldrums. Of course, it could all be a temporary measure, a bit of market-pacifying smoke and mirrors to give businesses a false sense of security. But let’s not be cynical, eh?😇

The chaps in the know reckon the markets are perking up in anticipation of trade deals with the US, all in an effort to avoid a full-blown trade war. The ongoing US-China tariff shenanigans could reshape global trade in a big way, and the fallout will be… interesting. Like watching a cat try to solve a Rubik’s Cube. 😼

One Jupiter Zheng of HashKey Capital (sounds like a character from a sci-fi novel) thinks the market might have found a local bottom. The recent upswing might be fueled by the feeling that the worst is behind us. Though, of course, there’s always the possibility of China retaliating to Trump’s 125% tariffs. Still, negotiations with other countries bring a glimmer of hope. A very small glimmer. ✨

Zheng also pointed to favourable US crypto regulations, suggesting Bitcoin and its digital brethren might have already hit rock bottom. The market, apparently, hasn’t fully priced in these positive developments. Which means there could still be room for growth, unless something unexpected pops up. And let’s face it, something unexpected usually does.🤷

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2025-04-10 10:37