Tariff Madness Sparks A Hitchhiker’s Crypto Journey 🚀

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In a most unexpected twist of intergalactic irony, the crypto markets have remained as calm as a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster at tea time—even as Earth’s favorite cosmic prankster, Donald Trump, fiddles with global tariffs like a befuddled Vogon reciting poetry. 😏

Greg Cipolaro, the intrepid NYDIG researcher, has noted that while traditional financial markets are busy staging their own absurd carnage, crypto simply carries on, as if it were the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything. One must wonder if these digital assets have secretly discovered the Joy of not Panicking.

According to his observations, crypto perpetual futures have been performing a delightful dance, with liquidations spiking briefly on April 6 and 7—an interstellar jig amounting to a mere $480 million in cosmic dust, hardly enough to glitch the improbability drive. 😌

Tether, the stablecoin hero dutifully tracking the US dollar, has remained almost as placid as a whale floating through space, avoiding any dramatic plunge. Meanwhile, Trump’s tariff scheme—unleashed on April 2 with all the subtlety of a malfunctioning hyperdrive—spun an even more bewildering web of rules, including a whimsical 90-day pause and a special tariff recipe for China.

Not surprisingly, both traditional and crypto markets tumbled in a manner reminiscent of a spaceship executing an unplanned detour, leaving many assets to wonder if they’d accidentally boarded the wrong interstellar conveyance.

Over the weekend, the administration further muddled the cosmic script, proclaiming that temporary exemptions for electronics were merely a fleeting mirage—a cosmic joke playing on the delicate balance of intergalactic economics. 🙃

Bitcoin fares well, declining volatility to make it widely attractive

Ah, Bitcoin—the digital wanderer charting a course through a universe of fiscal mayhem. Though not entirely immune to the gravitational forces of market volatility, it performs far better than its more temperamental cousins. Perhaps investors, in a moment of brilliant absurdity, are seeking stores of value unburdened by the mundane troubles of terrestrial nations.

The narrowing gap between Bitcoin and other assets has coaxed some risk parity funds to allocate resources to our intrepid digital hero, potentially setting off a virtuous cycle of increasing adoption and a mellowing of its notorious turbulence. Yet, in true cosmic fashion, ominous technical indicators warn of a “death cross” lurking on the horizon—a portent as foreboding as an unexpected hitch in the infinite improbability of financial existence. 😬

Don’t Panic. 😉

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2025-04-14 06:41