Oy vey, have your eyeballs ever felt so valuable? Worldcoin (WLD), Sam Altman’s latest attempt at making *watching you* profitable, has landed in the good ol’ United States. Forget six degrees of Kevin Bacon—you can now verify your face in six major cities, and none of them are Las Vegas (which, frankly, seems like a missed opportunity for both cash and spectacle). 🎲
Here’s how it works: Americans, line up for your very own Sci-Fi Orb eyeball scan in Atlanta, Nashville, Miami, Los Angeles, Austin and San Francisco. Yes, you heard right—scan those baby blues, browns, or, in my case, bloodshot after a Mel Brooks movie marathon, and get a digital ID straight out of a satire! 😳
Backed by Sam Altman, OpenAI CEO and the man who *really* wants to know what you’re looking at, this thing hands out unique IDs and WLD tokens after you’ve made awkward, unblinking eye contact with the glowing Orb. You can use your fancy new World ID on Minecraft (for building things you’ll never own), Reddit (to argue more officially), and Telegram (for who knows what—spies?).
But wait—Europe said, “Not in my backyard!” Spain and Portugal loudly shouted, “No touching our peepers, por favor!” so Worldcoin had to take a siesta there. Regulators in Spain were so paranoid, they demanded the whole operation put down its Orb and back away slowly—too many people complained it felt a little too much like a sci-fi horror audition. 👀
Still, Sam’s gang keeps dancing. They’ve teamed up with Visa for a super-fancy “scan, spend, repeat!” debit card. And what’s more romantic than a World ID scan for Match dating apps? Just what you need, a background check and a retina scan before your next bad date—now that’s modern love, folks! 💘
Meanwhile, Coinbase winked and announced WLD was being added to its roadmap (maybe Coinbase wants a little eyeball action too?).
Worldcoin’s price? It soared, then tripped over its own feet, landing pretty much where a bagel would—$1.08. Up 20% in a week, but let’s not call your stockbroker just yet unless he’s also your shrink. 🥯💸
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2025-05-02 01:05