Wall Street’s Going Bananas: MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin Bonanza Slaps on a $521 Target 🍌🚀

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So, MicroStrategy dropped their numbers and—hold onto your toupees—they cranked their bitcoin snack fund and capital-raising plans high enough to give altitude sickness. Naturally, the suits at H.C. Wainwright went nuts with excitement, hiking up their stock price target faster than a schul-boy running from his mother’s matzo ball soup.

Mike Colonnese (whose day job is counting beans and forecasting doom) rubbed his crystal ball on May 2nd and announced he’s feeling more bullish about “Strategy’s” stock—which, by the way, still sounds like a knock-off board game your uncle sells at flea markets. Mike jacked up the price target from $480 to $521. Why? More bitcoin! More cash! More… chutzpah with other people’s money!

This quarter, instead of doubling-down at the casino, Strategy doubled up its “let’s make it rain” plan to $84 billion by 2027. That’s up from the meager $42 billion they promised last year. Someone was feeling inspired—or maybe just finished binge-watching Wolf of Wall Street. The big-brain blueprint? Throw $42 billion on stocks, $42 billion on fancy bonds and convertibles. Makes you wish they’d just open a sandwich shop and call it a day.

To flex their financial muscles, these wildcats already snagged $10 billion this year and picked up a whopping 106,085 Bitcoin (probably filling more digital wallets than your nephew’s NFT collection). Yield through April: 13.7%. That’s 91% of their target—and already booked a $5.8 billion gain. Mazel tov! That’s 58% of their original goal—said every overachiever, ever.

Bullish momentum—Or just running with the bulls in Pamplona?

Q1 2025: Strategy rolled into the quarter, dropped $7.7 billion to nab 80,715 BTC like they were buying bagels on sale at Zabar’s. And, just to keep their accountants sweating, another 25,370 BTC in April—because why not? BTC yield stood at 11%. Gains? $4.1 billion. As they say in Brooklyn: “Not too shabby!”

Mike “The Optimist” Colonnese now thinks Strategy will finish 2025 hoarding 691,249 BTC (remember when people used to collect stamps?). He’s tossing around a $12 billion gain forecast, assuming Bitcoin hits $150,000 each—which is a lot of bubblegum per coin. By the way, the company’s own target? $15 billion in gains and a wacky 25% yield. Apparently, optimism is contagious on Wall Street.

Meanwhile, even after chopping estimates for future revenues like a deli guy with a dull knife—$461.2 million in 2025, $475.7 million in 2026—they’re still bragging about their premium valuation. That $521 price tag is based on paying double the company’s net asset value. In other words: These folks are betting on lightning striking twice and then writing a press release about it.

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2025-05-02 18:19