Nvidia Rumored to Go Full “Crypto Kingpin”—Will It Out-MicroStrategy MicroStrategy?

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  • For Nvidia, embracing Bitcoin would be as natural as Jeeves’ tie—two key reasons, old bean! 🕴️💰
  • Their “boundary-pushing brainiacs” rep gets a turbo-boost—jolly good for PR, what?

Rumors are swirling on Crypto Twitter like pigeons around the Dowager Countess’s scone tray: Nvidia, the tech juggernaut with chips in everything but grandma’s fruitcake, might soon be stashing Bitcoin [BTC] in its corporate coffers. Yes, really. Picture a boardroom full of engineers, not discussing AI, but the subtle nuances of hodling. Extraordinary!

AMBCrypto, which I imagine is run by fellows who check Bitcoin prices before breakfast, reckons this idea isn’t quite as batty as it sounds. The logic is simple: diversify the old balance sheet, and hedge against the U.S. Dollar doing its best impression of a leaky rowing boat. Sensible chaps, these Nvidia types.

Should this come to pass, the Bitcoin crowd will probably celebrate so hard they’ll need a twelve-course recovery brunch. Other institutional investors may also take note—nobody likes to be last at the party, especially when that party has yachts and Lamborghinis.

Why Bitcoin and Nvidia go together like gin and tonic

Here’s the lay of the economic land: The U.S. economy is only halfway through Trump’s re-election cycle, and leading public stocks have dropped faster than Bertie Wooster at a spelling bee—over 20% down for Q1. Our friend Nvidia, usually sunning itself in the top three by market cap ($2.72 trillion, give or take a few coppers), has found itself marching in step with the rest of the market misery.

From the Q1 high of $138, Nvidia stock has tiptoed down by 24.44%, which is either a necessary correction or the harbinger of doom, depending on your disposition and caffeine intake.

Between its AI obsession and its position in the U.S.-China slap-fight, Nvidia is more exposed than a chap who’s had his swimsuit swiped by a mischievous seagull. Toss in inflation, which is devouring the purchasing power of the U.S. Dollar like Augustus Gloop at a chocolate fountain, and you’ve got a recipe for surging costs. Especially if you fancy buying things like chips or, I don’t know, the occasional supercomputer.

Is it any wonder the corporate set is eyeing Bitcoin as a hedge? Metaplanet, for example, just whipped out 3.6 billion JPY in 0% bonds to nab more Bitcoin—clearly believing in crypto as the reserve asset du jour. It’s the sort of trend Churchill would call “the right sort of madness.”

Let the numbers do the talking (and the bragging)

MicroStrategy [MSTR], the OG Bitcoin bagholder, has seen stock returns hit 3,000% over five years, mostly because of its BTC stash. That’s more than most tech stocks—enough to make a hedge fund manager spit out his artisanal espresso. We’re talking 600% annualized growth, which should keep the shareholders in new golf clubs for decades.

Nvidia’s performance looks “restrained” by comparison—just 916% stock gains. The sort of result that brings to mind the phrase, “Well, bless your heart.”

This contrast is about as subtle as Lord Emsworth’s pig at a croquet garden party: Bitcoin has juiced MicroStrategy’s fortunes like nothing else. Since 2020, Bitcoin has zipped from $10,000 to $96,172, up 715% for the year. It’s enough to make one consider selling the yacht for sats. 🛥️🪙

With a performance like that, you’d have to be made of stone—or possibly ham sandwiches—not to wonder if Nvidia’s about to toss its hat in the crypto ring. Keep your monocles polished, gentlemen and gentlefolk, because this could be a spectacle for the ages!

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2025-05-03 08:13