Once upon a time, under the weighty sky of democracy—cracked by thunder, smelling faintly of burnt toast and market speculation—President Trump waded boldly into the fever-dream bazaar of crypto assets. What did he find there? Not comrades or struggle, but the clinking sound of new coins, and the itch of opportunity crawling beneath his cufflinks. 💰
The noble folk from State Democracy Defenders Action, grimly tilting at the modern windmills of autocracy, clutch their reports in trembling hands. “Behold!” they shout (probably while standing under flickering fluorescent lights), “The man has not only fattened his purse through digital wizardry, but he has paved an Autobahn to future riches!” Alas, the old order of cash and consequence, toppling before a blockchain stamped with his Twitter avatar.
Legend has it, Trump now reclines in the soft seat of power and gives a wink to regulations as he passes, loosening the leash on tokens from his own DeFi fortress—World Liberty Financial (founded September 2024, because history always repeats as farce). One can only imagine WLFI engraved upon the coins, like Gorky’s name scribbled by factory workers during a lunch break.
“You see, comrade—Trump’s plunge into crypto assets escalated his wealth to something approaching czarist excess. Soon, the narrative goes, he’ll rake in more, now that his stablecoin grows in the shade of his various enterprises. “ And unlike mere mortals or even bureaucrats, who must contend with the humiliation of conflict-of-interest laws, the President floats above them, sovereign and unbothered. WLFI stablecoins, friends—powered by ambition, sprinkled with regulatory fairy dust. 🪙✨
According to Fortune’s scribes, Trump’s digital treasure chest now glistens with $2.9 billion in crypto, a hearty 37% chunk of his $7.7 billion stash. Take that, old money! As for Congress? They have the power to snatch back the digital cookie jar, if only they can put down their own NFTs for a moment.
“Regulation of digital assets,” the study laments, “remains an awkward newborn, making strange faces and crying at inopportune moments. Yet, instead of selling his crypto to avoid any awkward family dinners, President Trump positions himself like a chess grandmaster: profit maximizer and regulatory minimalist. Congress, this is your clarion call! Pass a law, lest we all end up with commemorative Trumpcoins for breakfast.” 🥞🪙
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2025-05-04 22:04