Ah! Behold, dear friends and dupes of Dame Fortune, a trader—nay, a prophet!—whose reputation grows swifter than a Parisian rumor after midnight, chooses this very hour to trumpet a warning to us poor wretches of the crypto bazaar.
Monsieur Benjamin Cowen, with all the pomp and circumstance of an oracle (and approximately one million disciples on the stage known as “X”), pronounces that bold Bitcoin teeters on the abyss, prepared to tumble below the sacred support at a mere, pauper’s sum of $100,000. Quelle tragédie!
“Hélas! Prepare thee, for our virtuous BTC shall soon revisit the support band of bulls, somewhere in the gloomy mid-$90,000s. Pray, clutch thy pearls!”
This mysterious support band, an unholy matrimony between the 20-week Simple Moving Average (ah, ‘twas never simple!) and the 21-week Exponential Moving Average (exponential, much like my neighbor’s debts), now threatens to abandon our hopes like a banker at tax time.
Our analyst, ever the soothsayer, roots his dire vision in a most scientific method—by reminiscing! Lo, he consults the annals of the past two years, when Bitcoin, as fickle as a French mistress, rolled over to nap just as Q3 commenced.
“Gentle audiences,” quoth he, “shouldst thou examine my Youtube chronicles, ’tis plain I did warn of Bitcoin’s mid-June malaise, a malady similar to last year, and the one before. Lower lows await us by August or September… unless, of course, the fates have other plans (and they usually do).”
At this moment, our beloved Bitcoin breathes its last (or possibly just sneezes) at $105,092—a paltry sum if your name is Croesus, a fortune if you are but a scribe.
But what is this? The sharp, cold sword of destiny swings next toward the altcoins! Cowen the Merciless foretells a scene most bloody, a “brutal capitulation event.” Someone fetch the fainting couch!
“O, ye faithful alt-mongers, the hour is at hand—rip the Band-Aid off these ALT / BTC pairs with speed, ere they decay beyond all recognition! Down, down, ever down to the range lows!”
And what does yon chart declare? Alts, in a contest of falling rocks, discover gravity more polite to Bitcoin than to themselves. Sacré bleu!
Does this all sound like Greek to thee? Then don your powdered wig, follow us on X, Facebook and Telegram, and perhaps divine inspiration (or at least some spicy memes) will enlighten your purse!
Nay, do not tarry—subscribe for the latest dispatches! Email alerts delivered faster than you can say “Ponzi” thrice.
Examine price action, or merely act surprised when the chart falls off the stage.
Indulge in The Daily Hodl Mix; after all, if the market be mad, let us at least have music. 🎭💸
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2025-06-25 03:03