Ray Dalio

In his declaration, at least one could say that the Senator expects the CFTC Chair to retreat for the Good Samaritan’s part of his heart. He states, “Betting on war and death creates an environment in which insiders can profit off of classified information, our national security is jeopardized, and violence is encouraged.” A solemn supplication rooted in a sincere fear that the next horse on the trading block will be the not‑so‑little carriage of humanity.

In a move that screams “We’re totally in touch with the youth,” Senator Adam Schiff has introduced the Discouraging Exploitative Assassination, Tragedy, and Harm Betting in Event Trading Systems Act-or, as we’ll all inevitably call it, the DEATH BETS Act. Because nothing says “serious legislation” like an acronym that sounds like a bad horror movie.

On Deribit’s Crypto Options Unplugged (yes, that’s a real thing), Kendrick, the bank’s digital assets guru, spilled the tea: Bitcoin’s still hitting $100K by year-end and a cool $500K by 2030. But first, a quick dip to $50K because, you know, why not? “Picking the bottom is hard,” he sighed, like a man who’s lost his keys in a club at 3 AM. The selloff? Mostly orderly, except for those weeks when it went full chaos. Institutional investors? Holding on tighter than a clutch bag at a wedding.

But hold your horses! According to those clever folks at CryptoQuant, the spot trading volume for SUI has been doing the macarena-falling since October 2025 and showing no signs of stopping. Despite a whimsical 64% leap in daily trading volume, the long-term trends are cooler than a cucumber in a freezer.

Ali Martinez, Crypto Guru Extraordinaire (probably makes more money from YouTube than trading), gasped, “WLD almost kissed $0.366! That’s the same level it’s been eyeing since last month’s group therapy session!” Miraculously, it’s up 6.5% from its “I give up” low of $0.356. Cue the confetti.