Ray Dalio

The situation grew dire as Israel and the USA engaged in a theatrical display of military might against Iran, sending crypto tumbling to its local lows. Yet, like a phoenix in a stock market, it rebounded with the vigor of a man who has just discovered the concept of “resilience,” soaring to $74,000. A triumph, if one ignores the fact that it still hovers around $70,000-a 15% improvement over its February nadir. A modest victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Ethereum itself is sulking below the $2,000 mark, probably having an existential crisis about being less shiny than it was last week.

Ethereum got hit harder than a piñata at a five-year-old’s birthday party, dropping 7.35% – that’s 307,203 ETH gone, baby, gone – leaving users with a measly 3.87 million ETH. Bitcoin reserves were like, “We’re not doing great either,” shedding 1.25% (8,004 BTC) to sit at 631,000 BTC. And Tether? Down 0.98%, losing 360 million USDT from its 36.4 billion pool. Ouch.

In a twist worthy of a Wildean comedy, this healthcare titan has now graciously agreed to part with a mere $11 million-a sum so paltry, it barely covers the cost of their embarrassment. Each victim, poor soul, shall receive $2,500, a pittance to mend the shattered trust of having one’s most intimate details paraded about like a carnival sideshow.

End of Thought (6.18s)

In a Friday report, the prophet of Santiment unveils the sinister dance of the whales-those titans of the blockchain realm-who, between February 23 and March 3, amassed vast stores of BTC while the price wavered between $62,900 and $69,600. Yet when the price dared to breach $70,000 and climb to $74,000, these oligarchs of crypto began their treacherous exodus, shedding 66% of their ill-gotten gains with the precision of a executioner.