Bakkt’s Bitcoin Bonanza Backfires – Stock in Freefall! 🚀💥

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Oh, what larks! Bakkt Holdings Inc. has cheekily offloaded its loyalty services arm for a trifling $11 million to Project Labrador Holdco, that quaint subsidiary of Roman DBDR Technology Advisors. All this, my dears, as they swan dive into becoming a ‘pure-play’ crypto infrastructure darling. 😏

And in a twist worthy of a West End farce, they’ve announced a $75 million equity raise, which has promptly sent their stock spiraling downward like a tipsy debutante. How droll! 😂

JUST IN: Bakkt Holdings Inc. is hatching plans to raise funds for #Bitcoin purchases, hot on the heels of a policy tweak allowing up to $1 billion in $BTC splurges. What could possibly go wrong? — CryptoTweets (@CryptoTweetsWW) July 28, 2025 😜

Shares Plunge with the News

Bakkt’s shares closed down almost 5% at $17.17 on July 28, only to nosedive another 27.78% in after-hours trading, landing at a sorry $12.40, courtesy of Google Finance. Investors, it seems, are quaking in their boots over share dilution and lingering doubts about profitability, even as crypto revenues puff up their egos. Sarcastic cheers all round! 😅

$75M Cash Grab

The offering includes over 6.75 million shares and nearly 750,000 pre-funded warrants, all priced at a cheeky $10 each. And oh, the underwriters get an option for an extra 1.125 million shares, potentially pocketing over $75 million. Bakkt plans to splash this on Bitcoin and other digital trinkets, plus a bit of working capital and general corporate whimsy.

Andy Main, one of the co-CEOs, chirps that they’re now laser-focused on core crypto capers and dabbling in stablecoin payments. His partner in crime, Akshay Naheta, waxes poetic about harnessing ‘agentic AI’ for digital asset shenanigans and conquering crypto corporate treasuries. How very modern – and utterly predictable. 😉

Q2 Earnings: A Silver Lining?

Amid the wreckage, Bakkt’s preliminary Q2 earnings hint at some vim and vigor, with revenues estimated between $577 million and $579 million, a 13% jump from last year. Crypto revenue alone is forecasted at $568–569 million, up over 14% from Q2 2024. But let’s not forget, darlings, they’ve lost big clients like Bank of America and Webull, leaving investors to ponder if this ship’s not taking on water. Tsk tsk! 😏

Bitcoin Buying Spree Dreams

Following the herd like a lost lamb, Bakkt has joined the likes of Metaplanet and others in dreaming of a $1 billion Bitcoin bonanza. This fundraising circus might involve Class A common stock, debt securities, preferred stock, warrants, or some unholy mix. One can only imagine the hilarity if it all goes pear-shaped. 😂

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2025-07-29 21:56