In a universe where Bitcoin skeptics and gold enthusiasts collide like two asteroids in a very crowded space, Peter Schiff has once again taken to X (formerly known as Twitter, and now more confusing than a Vogon poem) to share his thoughts on the Senate’s latest stab at stablecoin legislation. He boldly claimed that the banking lobby is still the heavyweight champion, successfully strong-arming lawmakers into submission with all the finesse of a three-legged elephant on roller skates.
“The banking lobby is still stronger than the crypto lobby,” Schiff declared, as if he were announcing the results of a particularly riveting intergalactic tug-of-war. Under the current legislative framework, it appears that stablecoin issuers are not allowed to share the wealth by paying interest to their users. Now, isn’t that just splendid? Why share the joy when you can hoard it like a dragon with a stash of gold?
Schiff, ever the optimist (if one defines ‘optimist’ as someone who revels in the misery of others), acknowledged that this little arrangement allows issuers to keep the yield for themselves. “Sharing it would have meant a lot more customers,” he lamented, as if customers are merely pesky flies buzzing around a sumptuous banquet.
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Ultimately, Schiff suggested that this bureaucratic mess is simply “just another reason to hold tokenized gold instead,” because nothing says ‘futuristic finance’ quite like shiny metal that doesn’t even earn you interest.
Coinbase rejects the latest Senate compromise
In a turn of events that could only be considered astonishingly predictable, Coinbase has informed Senate officials that it cannot support the newest legislative compromise about stablecoin yields. Apparently, the new “stable yield language” was crafted with the utmost care to soothe the traditional banks, who, bless their hearts, are terrified of losing deposits faster than you can say “market instability.”
Coinbase, being a primary funder of the Fairshake super PAC network (which sounds like something you’d order at an upscale smoothie bar), wields a fair bit of influence in Washington-enough to make Power Rangers jealous.
Circle stock takes a hit
Meanwhile, Circle, the genius behind the USDC stablecoin, saw its stock nosedive about 15% following the disheartening news. The legislation’s ban on traditional yield in favor of “activity-based rewards” means that USDC will struggle to evolve into anything resembling a real store-of-value product. In other words, it’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
“Uninformed FUD”
Despite the gloomy forecasts, the administration has decided to project confidence as if they were posing for a photo shoot in front of a burning building. Patrick Witt, the executive director of the president’s Council of Advisors for Digital Assets (which sounds far more important than it probably is), took to social media to drown out the cacophony of panic.
“Plenty of uninformed FUD [Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt] circulating on social media this week. It’s all going to work out. Bullish,” he proclaimed, undoubtedly hoping that his optimism would work better than a towel in a rainstorm.
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2026-03-26 09:20