Ah, the world of cryptocurrency—where fortunes are made, lost, and occasionally hallucinated into existence. Arthur Hayes, the erstwhile co-founder of BitMEX, has once again graced us with his prophetic musings on Bitcoin and Ethereum, as though he were some sort of digital Nostradamus. Only this time, his predictions come with a side of sass and enough bravado to make even the most seasoned gambler blush 😏.
In a blog post that reads like the lovechild of a financial analyst and your eccentric uncle who “totally called it” during last year’s Super Bowl, Hayes has laid out his end-of-2025 price targets. Bitcoin, apparently, is destined to ascend to the celestial heights of $250,000—a mere 111% increase from its current perch at $117,982. Meanwhile, Ethereum, the perennial underdog, is expected to perform an Olympic-level leap to $10,000, representing a staggering 179% surge from its present value of $3,572. One might wonder if Hayes has been consulting tea leaves or just the balance sheet of his family office, Maelstrom Fund.
“My year-end targets:
Bitcoin = $250,000.
Ether = $10,000.”
But wait, there’s more! Hayes, ever the raconteur, insists that Ethereum is poised for what can only be described as a financial supernova. Why? Because traditional finance, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to embrace the blockchain darling. Hayes even cheekily notes that Maelstrom Fund is currently neck-deep in Ether, presumably while sipping champagne and laughing at those still holding onto their “light beer” investments 🍾.
“It’s pretty simple: Maelstrom is fully invested. Because we are degens (degenerates), the shitcoin space offers amazing opportunities to outperform Bitcoin, the crypto reserve asset. The coming Ether bull run is about to tear the market a new ahole. Ever since Solana rose from the FTX ashes from $7 to $280, Ether has been the most hated large-cap crypto. No more; the Western institutional investor class, whose chief cheerleader is [Fundstrat co-founder] Tom Lee, loves Ether.
Buy first, ask questions later. Or don’t and be that sourpuss in the corner sippin’ on a piss-like tasting light beer at the clerb while a gaggle of humans you rate as less than intelligent burn their money on bubbly water at the table over yonder. This ain’t financial advice, so do you. Maelstrom is doing all things Ethereum, all things DeFi (decentralized finance), all things degen powered by ERC-20 shitcoins.”
And so, dear reader, as Bitcoin flounders slightly at $117,982 (down 1.5% in the last 24 hours) and Ethereum wobbles at $3,572 (down 3.6%), one can’t help but marvel at the absurdity of it all. Are we witnessing the dawn of a new era, or merely the latest chapter in humanity’s eternal quest to turn invisible internet tokens into Lamborghinis? Only time—and perhaps Arthur Hayes—will tell 🚀.
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2025-07-24 12:22