Oy vey, would you look at this? Bitcoin runs all the way to $95K, stops, and says, “That’s far enough, I’m schvitzing over here!” Instead of blasting to the moon on a jetpack, the market looks tired—like a New Yorker after three blocks without a pretzel. Could be a breather before another rocket ride, or maybe just a bathroom break. Who knows?
Technical Analysis
The Daily Chart
Last week, Bitcoin broke past those moving averages like they were the velvet ropes at a Catskills premiere. Everyone cheered, but then it sees $95K and suddenly gets performance anxiety. Not surprising. That kind of number makes anyone rethink their life choices, especially after stuffing yourself on swing highs and order block knishes.
Now, things are about as exciting as a matinee showing of “Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money”. Low volatility, bunch of sideways action, everyone acting indecisive. Classic case of “I’ll have what she’s having, except I have no idea what she’s having.”
The RSI’s as overcooked as my Aunt Sadie’s brisket. Everybody who wanted in is in, and the rest? They’re waiting for a discount sale. Maybe we get a quick nosedive to $90K where the moving averages are waiting like overprotective parents.
If BTC manages to Hulk-smash through $95K, then hello new all-time high at $109K! If not… fuhgeddaboudit for now.
The 4-Hour Chart
Let’s go up close—real close. Zooming in like a nosy neighbor. What do we see? Bitcoin tried to jump over $95K three times and slipped on a banana peel each time. That’s called a “three-drives” pattern. In Brooklyn, we just call that “trying too hard.” The smart money’s probably cashing out and heading to Boca.
Meanwhile, the RSI is muttering under its breath, “Sheesh, give it a rest!” Even though the price keeps hitting higher highs, the RSI can’t be bothered. That’s technical analyst-speak for “Don’t get cute, kid.” Expect the price to trip and tumble back to $90K, where we see if anyone still wants to buy this thing.
On-chain Analysis
Funding rates are turning negative, which, in plain English, means everyone’s nervous—like waiting for your mother-in-law’s review of your kugel. When this happened before, all the short-sellers came out, and confidence disappeared longer than my hairline in the ’80s.
Now, history repeats, just not as funny. Bitcoin rallies, funding rates say “no thank you!” Either everyone’s hedging, or they’re selling faster than tickets to “Springtime for Hitler.”
- People are worried the bottom’s about to fall out, so they’re covering themselves,
- Or, they’re unloading coins like they’re hot potatoes at a Passover Seder.
This hysteria usually means we get a little price drop. It’s like taking a nap before the next act—don’t worry, we’ll sell you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge. If you’re bullish, don’t run for the fire escape—sometimes a pullback is just the market’s way of catching its breath after telling a really, really long joke.
So, will Bitcoin faceplant at $95K, or put on its dancing shoes for $109K? Tune in next week for more “As the Bitcoin Turns…” 🕺💰🍿
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2025-04-29 17:16