Bitcoin Hits $96K: Trump’s Tantrum, Shorts in Tears, and ETFs on a Binge 🤑

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Bitcoin, that fickle darling of the digital realm, decided to throw a party and invite everyone but the shorts. On January 13th, it sashayed past $96,000, leaving a trail of glitter and $590 million in liquidated tears. Its market cap? A cool $1.9 trillion. The crypto economy? Oh, just $3.33 trillion, no biggie. All this because ETFs decided to go on a shopping spree, with Fidelity and Blackrock leading the charge like they’re at a Black Friday sale. 🛍️✨

ETFs: The New Cool Kids on the Block

So, Bitcoin hit $96,000 just as Donald Trump was busy sharpening his Twitter claws against Jerome Powell. The cryptocurrency didn’t just climb-it pole-vaulted over the $1.9 trillion market cap mark, dragging the entire crypto economy to $3.33 trillion. Because, you know, why not?

This rally wasn’t just a fluke-it was fueled by spot Bitcoin ETFs guzzling $753.8 million in a single day, according to Lookonachain. Blackrock’s IBIT and Fidelity’s FBTC were the star pupils, raking in $126.3 million and $351.4 million, respectively. Imagine showing up to a potluck with that much cash. 🤑

By 12:30 a.m. EST, Bitcoin was up 5% from its January 12th price of $90,500. Institutional investors were throwing money at it like it was a going-out-of-business sale, but let’s not forget the real catalyst: Trump’s subpoena against the Fed. Because nothing says “economic stability” like a presidential tantrum. 🤡

In Detroit, Trump celebrated 4.3% GDP growth by slamming Powell for not lowering interest rates fast enough. Some called it an attack on the Fed’s independence; others called it a Tuesday. Central bank heads issued a statement in support of Powell, because even they know you don’t mess with the guy holding the interest rate button. 🔥

Meanwhile, the crypto economy’s sudden leap triggered a liquidation fiesta, with shorts getting wiped out like they were last season’s fashion trend. Coinglass data showed $270 million in short bets liquidated in 24 hours, compared to a measly $24 million in longs. Overall, $590 million in shorts were torched, while longs got off with just $90 million in losses. Ouch. 😭

Now that Bitcoin’s breached the $95,000 resistance, analysts are whispering about the $100,000 mark. Because, you know, why stop at $96,000 when you can aim for six figures? 🌕

FAQ ❓

  • Why did Bitcoin surge past $96K? Trump threw a fit, and ETFs went on a shopping spree. 🛒
  • What fueled the crypto rally? Spot Bitcoin ETFs inhaled $753.8 million, their biggest snack since 2024. 🍿
  • How much was liquidated in short bets? $590 million in shorts got the boot, with Bitcoin leading the charge. 👢
  • What’s next for Bitcoin’s price? Analysts say $100K is in sight, because why not dream big? 🚀

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2026-01-14 10:08