Bitcoin Plummets! Markets in Mayhem After Strait of Hormuz Shenanigans

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Oh dear, oh dear! Bitcoin got a right whack, dropping fast and making altcoins look like they’d been run over by a rampaging rhino on roller skates. Altogether, the whole crypto jungle lost $90 billion, bringing the grand total to a rather wobbly $3.07 trillion. Ouch! 💸

Weekend Whoopsie-Daisy: Altcoins Tumble Like Rotten Apples

The entire crypto zoo started bleeding coins faster than a leaky bucket. While BTC had its own moody meltdown, the drama queens of the market—ethereum, XRP, and solana—couldn’t help but collapse even harder.

In the red corner: ethereum (ETH) nosedived nearly 9%—landing at $2,205, which is less cash than a snooty London squirrel’s nut stash. At 10:00 a.m., XRP slid 7.2% and smashed through that $2 floor—landing at a measly $1.96 per token. Not to be outdone, Solana (SOL) tripped on its own laces, faceplanted, and stopped at $128.30, down 8.5%. Honestly, who gave these coins buttered shoes?!

The price of bitcoin did a dramatic swan dive below $100K for the first time in 46 days! And all because Iran got ideas about closing the Strait of Hormuz. Well, bully for them!

If you thought that was wild, just glance at Aptos (APT)! Down a whopping 14%—if there were medals for falling, they’d take gold, silver, and probably the catering tray. Even Virtuals Protocol (VIRTUAL) lost 10.6% and injective (INJ) tumbled 12.5%. Great job, gang, that’s enough red numbers to paint a barn! 🔻

But don’t forget Celestia (TIA), who shed 11.8% like it was flipping a magic coin (and losing). The weekend’s disastrous dance triggered crypto derivatives liquidations totalling $876.41 million—yep, that’s three Ferraris and a chocolate factory down the drain. And of that, an eye-watering $777.91 million was from long positions (people hoping prices would zoom up!). BTC longs alone? $161 million—about the cost of a modest moon rocket. 🚀

From the $3.07 trillion grand total, BTC gobbles up 65.2% market share (greedy thing!), with ETH waving its 8.6% flag. By the way, crypto trade volume shot up 20% to $123.37 billion–but let’s face it, most of that was panic-selling. Who needs sleep, anyway?

And then, at exactly 10:25 a.m., bitcoin tripped and fell below $100,000 (set to the tragic tune of violins and the sound of investors weeping softly). Why? Some bigwigs in Iran cooked up a plan to shut the Strait of Hormuz. Dastardly! 🧐

According to reports, the master plan is just waiting for approval by Iran’s head honchos in security (who are probably flipping coins themselves at this point). By the way, this tiny strait sees nearly 30% of the world’s oil trade zip through—and oil prices are now skittering around $74 to $77 per barrel. Only thing missing is a golden ticket and a very nervous Oompa-Loompa! 🛢️

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2025-06-22 18:28